courtneealexis

I’m sick of looking at that thing sitting in the corner of my bedroom. I’ve had my beautiful acoustic guitar for over two years and have yet to seriously strum it. No more dreaming…I’m doing.

I bought a book on how to read music and am doing an online tutorial to learn chords and notes.

In less than a day I already know a song! Ode to Joy, it’s easy…but hey, it’s a start!

I’ve been writing since I was in the fifth grade. Every Friday we had to spend an hour writing whatever about whatever we wanted. My teacher encouraged that we try short stories. I thrived on this. Friday was my favorite day. I got so caught up in my stories…I even illustrated some. heehee. That love has carried through with me all the way to the age of 23. I’ve taken classes, started numerous drafts, and my husband even bought me a laptop specifically to begin. I started a creative writing independent study in my high school, wrote for the paper, and even got complimented once on a letter-to-the-editor I sent in to the local paper (weird, right?)

If I can’t use words, I’ve got nothing. It’s a passion.

But I’ve hesistated to really sit down and start because I’m scared.

I want to walk into a room and be confident in who I am and what I stand for as a young woman, wife, and Christian.

I’ve struggled with low self-esteem for as long as I can remember. I’m so self-concious of my body. I can recall several times where my weight and chest size have been a conversation of OTHER people. Why my body issues are in other people’s mouths, I’ll never know. I too easily let others’ opinions of me dictate how I feel about myself. And I let past experiences close me off and fear rejection. I see my quirks as annoying and blame myself for a lot of failures in life. I don’t let myself BE MYSELF because I worry it’s too silly, stupid, ect.

THIS HAS TO STOP.

I can’t remember the last time I was carefree and could look in the mirror and compeltely smile and not give a darn what someone else thought about it.