crazyBE4UTIFUL

I would wish to be an actress in a golden globe nominated movie. :] It would give me all the essentials: groupies, money, fame, and the ability to self-destruct if I so choose. That might not appeal to everyone, but really, that’s all I want. I want people to adore me. I want to be rich. I want to be remembered. And I want to know that if I want to go on a downward spiral, I can.

This probably means I am messed up in the head, but really, it’s so much more than that. Right now I am not adored. I have about $30 to my name. I am not famous. And if I wanted to self-destruct, I would probably have to sign paperwork. I just really want to know that I can make my own choices. I am a fairly excellent actress and I love being on camera, it would be perfect.

I made a notebook for an ex-boyfriend of mine for his birthday. It took me two weeks to do and I devoted so much time and effort into making it perfect. I drew pictures, I looked up quotes, I got photos taken and printed out. It was a scrapbook, but at the same time not really. The most annoying part of the notebook was drawing in my characters, outlining them in black pen, and then coloring them in. It took the longest as well, I spent days doing that. Finding the right quotes was hard too, because I wanted something that said, “I care about you a lot,” but not, “I love you and want to stay with you forever.” The former was good, we broke up a couple weeks later.

Honestly, I want that notebook back, too. We’re still good friends, but I spent too much time on that book to let him keep it. It was still his birthday present though, that’s the only reason I haven’t asked for it back.