Dont think this is going to work if im still drinking. Even if its just on weekends it seems to be the only time I really smoke. I try not to but after a few drinks I just crave one. I will still try
Well this goal is not working out for me so good. Lots of stress on me and hubby so were both at it. I drink less then him but not less for me. Ive had more days on then off, today is off for me but then the weekend comes around and people come over whatever. If I can even go four days I would feel better. Grrrr its just so hard. At night when the kids are down its what we do to relax and chill.
Day two and almost over. Im going to see if I can hold out for the weekend. My hubby called me from band practic and put one of my friends on the phone. So they are all over there havin a few beers so it kinda made me feen a bit but its all good. I know hes going to come home all buzzed and chatty, lol. Hes gonna make me want to drink damn it, I’ll just pass out before he gets home.
I think I might crack when my hubby gets home tonight. Didnt have on all day yesterday or today so far, but I think I might brake, I should go to sleep, lol.
I got down on my kitchen floor today and cleand that shit, lol. I spent about four hours on my kitchen, dinning room and vacumed the house. Im working my way to our bedroom, I’ll get there I just hope the rest of the house dosent fall apart by then. So Wooo hooo for me I got a lot done today :)
So it was a drinking and smoking weekend. Smoked a lot saturday night didnt smoke sunday and had about 5 or six yesterday :( but it seems to be most a weekend thing for me or everyother day. So no more drinks for the week lets see if I can be smoke free too.
So Saturday night was a blast! Went up to crestline, music, bbq, drinks it was great. So yes I drank Saturday, Sunday and Monday. My weekend with my hubby, he gets sunday and mondays off. Did not get drunk or anything well did on Saturday but it was all good. It was a good weekend and now its back to no drinks for the week :) lets see how it goes.
I should be cleaning right now, lol. With 3 bedrooms and 5 kids how the hell do you keep it clean. How do I get my kids to help more at least keeping their rooms clean, and doing their other chores? Im always picking up after everyone so I put off doing my bedroom and its crap! I hate it. Oh well better get started :)
Ok, so I got through the last two nights without drinking and thats pretty good. Most of the time I’ll have at least one drink on the second day. Well tonight is the night of our lil get away. Yes I will be drinking and singing and hangin out with good friends. Im going to try not to get out of line, I really dont think I will. I just really want to cut back. Times like tonight are ok, its when it gose on through out the week I start to worrie. So, I’m going to enjoy myself tonight and not get crazy anyother time when its not called for. You know like when Im home doing nothing. Im gonna try to keep it social only when we go or weekend thing, and we dont go out much at all. Like once a month. lol See ya all later
So I got thruough thursday ok, but friday night I did give in. It was at the end of the night. Got the kids down then one woke up, made the hubby something I just had one. Im not a big smoker but tonight were going out to stay with a friend and I know I will be drinking, but Im going try to not to somke, but if I cant do it I will not smoke the way I usualy do when Im drinking. I’ll just have to keep it all under control. Wish me luck :)
Well not a gig or anything like that but going up to a friends house this weekend and were going to Lay it down, lol. Playin some songs that him and my hubby do and some of our own, and maybe something new. I really need this. Since my band hasnt done much the last year or so other then a party here and there and filling in last min for other bands. Still fun but I miss the hell out of it. I want to gig again :)
So these are the people I look up to, They were going to teach me right from wrong, that life matters or go to when I need help? Well that is a little backwards these days. Starting with unplanned, unwanted pregnancy, cheating, anger, bad marriage, divorce, homeless, alcohol, steeling, atemted suicide, giving up and just plain lazy. NOT ME!!!
My father blames everyone for all that has gone wrong in his life and has just givin up. My mother blames my father and it seems stuck in no better place them him but thinks she is. They dont work, he lives off his ssi because hes tryed killing himself and is depressed, she lives off the spousel support that gets takin out of his ssi but its hardly living. Hes in hotels trying to do it again, and shes on my couch making excuses of why she cant work or take a walk other then to spend the money she gets on bullshit like movies.
That will never be me! I will not give up on life or myself. I will never be a burden on my children or anyone. And they will never have to worrie everytime the phone rings woundering if I was found dead do to suicide.
Not that Im a bad wife or anything but my hubby dose get kinda pushed to the side with all these kids around and everthing eles going on. He spends most of his time at work and when he gets home and wants to spend time with me Im just tierd and want to relax. And he a man, and wants some, lol. I think I just need to put out more, lol.
I need to work on giving them all their own special time with me, as well as doing more as family
Well I did get out of bed by 6:30 got my boys off to school. Even hung out with the three littles ones but then as they were watching their shows i fell asleep in the recliner, lol. I woke up and they were all eating their ceral. I only passed out for about 20 min, tomorrow I will work on staying awake and getting started on my chores early :)
So yesterday was my birthday and I got pretty buzzed with the hubby. Not like we went out or anything we do most of our drinking at home. Anywho I feel like shit today because I had to have those last two beers. Its so stupid when I think about it. Why do I do it? So Saturday were going to a friends house for the night. Lil get away and Im really looking forward to it. Now my goal is not only not to drink before then but not to over do it that night. I know it will be hard because no kids, friends, jammin, hell out of my house sometimes I get carried away. Well not this weekend I want to be able to enjoy the next day without a hangover. Eat good food, walk to the lake shop whatever just not hungover or trying to drink the hangover away. We will see how it goes.
Your right about the ass smell, lol. I think I started sometime in jr high. Its been on and off but now its more on then off. I never smoked when I was pregnet so I had about 5 years that I know I didnt smoke. After the babies it was always a few months or longer before my first smoke again. I had two years or almost two years I was smoke free, but after my youngest was born a few months later i was back at it. Hes almost three now. My husband smokes so sometimes I light up with him even if i dont really want one but then I want more, lol. Its going to be hard to quit if hubby is not going to. Oh and when I drink thats it, thats when I smoke the most, but i dont usualy smoke during the day and i dont light up everyday. Im like a binge smoker, lol I just want to stop cause its just no good.
People think im strong, otherwise how could I deal with what i do righ? Well I do have my ways. My stress is not unlike others I know this. No matter how ugly or painful or common i know Im not alone. Still I need to find more strenth for myself my family, who dosent want to be stronger. Somtimes I want to be strong enough just so I dont go crazy in my everyday life and sometimes I want to be strong enough just to say FUCK YOU! Those times I hold back.
