cutgrass

I’m finding it difficult to force myself to look forward to something I’m dreading so much. I wasn’t expecting to get in to Oxford, and now I feel compelled to go there, namely because it’s Oxford and I know that having it on my CV will go a long way when I graduate. It just goes against all my principles to accept something I don’t want because I know it will make me money, and it upsets me that I haven’t resisted it more. I want to finally give my parents a reason to be proud of me, because god knows the various things they’ve wrestled me out of had them convinced I’d end up screwing things up. I feel incredibly selfish for not wanting something that I know is really coveted, but it isn’t where I want my life to go. Anyway, it’s an opportunity to prove myself, and I have to take it and enjoy it. This has to be the one thing I follow through.