I'm doing 20 things
growing up, i never said that i “hoped,” “wanted,” “dreamt of doing,” etc, something. i always said i WOULD (i think they call that positive visualization actually). anyway the one thing i’ve never been able to say that about is the olympics. why? i think its because its the only thing it would really kill me to lose. seriously i’ve never wanted anything so badly. but who am i to be so special? i’m clearly not the only one that wants this. i’ve had dozens of coaches that have gone to the olympic trials multiple times and not made it. who am i to be one of the hundreds that want this that actually gets it? it scares me to death that i might never make it. i want to set records and have been told i could by people that supposedly know what they’re talking about, but others simply look me over seeing nothing special. my family all tells me i can because of how bad i want it. but what do they know? they don’t know how many people i’m up against. they haven’t seen how many coaches don’t give a poop what i’m swimming because they simply don’t see talent. but then there are those that have. a very select few that seem to have seen something (okay so i know one saw something cause he said it but the rest of them i’m just guessing) and actually worked with me, after practice for weeks on end to perfect my backstroke start, or my kick, or my pull, or whatever it is this time. some have sat there as i said how i hoped i would get second and said “why the hell would you go for second?” “well i got third at the last meet” “so, you can make first.” the funny thing is, i did. so maybe i do need to take my dreams for swimming up into the sky. maybe i need to actually swim for my goal of the olympics. i want it bad it enough, that i know, and maybe that desire, that sheer animalistic need to achieve this will drive me to go fast enough to get there. is that what will make me special enough? (by the way, the picture is of me age seven-ish in my first swim season:)
