...........

I started this year with the worst luck. I lost all my reasons to exist in just 1 week of January.
I couldnt get out of bed because the depression I was experiencing was killing me. One day I was able to stand up and go and get a haircut, the next day I managed to apply for a job.
But soon the sorrow catched me again, and I spent 2 days without eating just laying in bed depressed. When I tried to get out of it, I fainted! Luckily my mother was there to pick me up and put me right into bed, then i was fed properly, but I must admit Im disgusted by food.
Im still in a training session and dont know if at the end Im gonna get the job or not, I guess in February we shall know.

I was in a relationship with a bulgarian guy, and I lived there for 3months, he bought me a course for me to learn it, so now when im bored and study it just because I like it :)

One of my personal abusers stopped because i will find a job and will move out, so there wont be more ME in the scene and thats the whole purpose… to get rid of me. But I know that if I fail to get that job I wont be able to have a single day of peace in this house.

I still continue being abused no matter how hard I try to let person #2 ,know that is not cool, that if I ever did something to deserve it to please forgive me. But it wont stop, I know i made mistakes but today i regret them and Im not ashame of saying IM SORRY, and the answer is ”...OK..” (like whatever). I resign myself, listen the reasons of “why im not good enough, of how I ruin other peoples live, how im useless and incable of helping, how im selfish, and how Im NOT CONVENIENT”..

(Why am I not convenient? because Im not rich and cant guarantee you 5 cars, because I cant solve the big messed up problem you got yourself into, because my nationality doesnt suit you for your own selfish desires.)

Sadly, I apolgized for the “damages” and promised one day I will not be around.

Where will you go?
Somewhere
Haha are you saying you gonna suicide
No, I never said that word
STOP IT and speak clear
It means whatever it means to you

And went away because I had enough cruelty and was sunday.. I assumed the person would be very happy I dissapeared for the rest of the day.
Later on received an email from this person as usually trashing me, when the only thing I did was to listen all that crap ask forgiveness and guarantee that I will vanish.

How can I be hated so much?
My days can be counted.