Shevonne Polastre

They say that it takes 21 days to form a habit. Therefore, one of my top-five goals for the month of August is to write 1,000 words a day. This number includes daily blogs, journal entries, and fictional book. It doesn’t matter what is going on that day, I write. Even if I feel like writer’s block is not allowing me to get any words on the paper (yes, I am old school), I go exercise or find a writing prompt.

Before, I wrote, but it was sporadic. If something happened that took my interest, I didn’t write anything that day. Now that I am writing this book, part of different blogging teams, and are getting more technical/proposal writing work, I have to be very structured and consistent on my writing approach.

It’s already been 18 days, and now I feel weird if I don’t write. I only have three more days for it to be a daily habit, but I already feel like I have gotten there.

I’m always on the go. There is not a moment during the day that I am not doing something(s). I know it’s something that I need to change, and I know there are five reasons why I am this way:

1. Being a parent means no time to relax – It’s something that other parents can relate to. If I try to sit down to take a breather, I have one of the kids asking me for something. I don’t think that I have been able to take a shower (or bath) in peace for over eight years with the kids around. They are getting older, so I am starting to teach them that mommy also needs her quiet time, so they need to learn to respect that. My son, who is older, is starting to grasp that, but my daughter is having a harder time. She is more attached to me, so it’s going to be kind of tough to wean her from constantly trying to get me help her with this or that. I know that I have to. I am starting to write this book, so they have to understand that they can’t have their mother doing everything for them at all times.

2. Living in a fast-paced area can be another reason why I can’t relax – Having children is not the only reason that I am constantly moving, DC is also a factor. In this area, everything is fast paced. When you are at a restaurant or store, you expect to be assisted right away or you start huffing and puffing. If you have to wait longer than a minute, you are already checking the clock and exclaiming, “Ugghh…what is taking so long?” Since I was younger, I have been living here, so I have always been this way. Time flies in this area because you are never still. I have heard the same from friends living in other metropolitan cities. I think it might be because there are tons of things to do here, so you are never at one place for long. This contributes to the expectation that everything has to happen NOW. One example is my trip to Tucson to visit my sister. She told me that she had a hard time adjusting to life there. I asked her why? She said that everything runs slowly, and that she knows it will annoy me as well. It did. I was constantly exasperated at how “slow” everything was. Looking back, I think it’s great that people actually take time to relax, instead of always trying to find something to do. I’m learning how to do this, but it’s still something that I have not even come close to mastering. I know that I need to because I am teaching this impatience to my kids, and I want them to know the art of relaxation.

3. Not being flexible in deviating from my schedule – Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve always had a planner. In my planner, I write how I will schedule my entire day. It can be a good or bad thing. The good thing is that I usually get everything I need to get done completed. However, the bad thing is that I never schedule any time to just sit down and do nothing. My ex used to get so angry with me because if I had down that I was going to get up at 7:00 a.m., regardless of what time I went to sleep the night before, I would get up at that time and do what I had to do. I would then be in a foul mood all day because I was tired. Sometimes sleeping in and doing nothing is not a bad thing. I know that, but it’s still hard to do.

4. Say no even if someone tries to use guilt – Every weekend, I have different people asking me to do things. I am slowly learning how to say no. Even if the person tries to guilt me into doing it, I am realizing that I need to stand firm.

5. Smartphone and laptop are always attached to my hip – Since I was a teenager, I have always been with the phone in my hand and a computer nearby. For awhile, I had a rule that on the weekends, I would disconnect myself from the electronics. Lately, I haven’t been following that rule. I am going to start this weekend. I am always connected during the week, so it isn’t bad if I’m not on the weekends.

When you have this “go go go” mentality, you will one day crash and burn. I think I have finally come to this. I am tired and have no energy to do anything. 1. My ex, who hasn’t come around in over a month, is finally taking the kids this weekend. 2. I have no plans except dinner tonight and a goodbye dinner tomorrow. 3. I had all these things that I had planned to do this weekend, I quickly cancelled them. 4. Everyone who has asked me to do something that will take more of myself than I am willing to give, I have turned down. 5. I am turning off the phone and enjoying my time alone.

I need this because I need to regroup and de-stress. This weekend I am riding my bike, reading a book, writing a few chapters, and painting my closets. Maybe it’s time that I disappear from the world.

I thought I was all done with my taxes, and then I get a call from my mom saying that I had a W-2 waiting for me. I am glad that I usually wait a week after I finish before sending off my taxes for these types of situations.

This time I will be getting back a nice lump sum because I bought my first house last year. The only thing I see is that the First-Time Homebuyer Credit is really just an interest-free loan. Why would they not give us this credit with no penalties, especially with everyone struggling? I’m kind of thinking that I am not going to take it because then I have to pay the damn loan, which is masquerading as a credit, back every time I apply for taxes for the next 15 years. This is crazy.

This year is the last year that I am doing it using Turbotax. Next year, I am going to hire an Accountant.

Smile!

I feel great that I am finally making the time to read.

I read in a time management book and on ParentCenter that said that instead of yelling and screaming at your kids that you are late or GO TO SLEEP, cushion that into your schedule.

Therefore, I switched my son’s clock to be an hour later, and I am now sending them to bed at 7:30. All their “I Wants” and attempts to now go to bed are cushioned in and they are falling asleep at 8:30 pm instead of 10:00 p.m., like they were before.

Ever since I started driving, I’ve had ridiculous road rage. I yell at stupid drivers, slow drivers, aggressive drivers, and the list keeps growing. I realized today that I need to quit this behavior because it’s not doing anything but making my blood pressure escalate.

I’ve tried listening to music, audiobooks, meditating, but nothing works. I know the real solution is self control, so I need to start practicing that cause I am starting to realize how annoying it is. Maybe the first step is self awareness.

I had an encounter with my sister’s stupid boyfriend. As always, she calls with her issues with him. I would think she would have learned not to call us when she is having her 10,000 problem with him, but she did. I was actually on his side, but I guess that didn’t matter. He starts yelling that he doesn’t care what a “stupid motherfer has to say.”

She asks who is he talking about, and his response? Me.

I was shocked that a man who is almost 50 and supposedly is “educated” would disrespect a woman in that way. I told her to put him on speaker. I responded that a “ghetto motherfer who couldn’t even pass the bar and is 50 doesn’t have the right to speak to me like that.”

He started saying my family is worthless and that I was a bitch. I told my sister to never call me about this idiot again, and I hung up. I called my mom and told her. She is right. Words and words, and he is a nobody so who cares what he says.

I was ready to punch something, but I have calmed down. This idiot means nothing to me, so why give him any credit whatsoever. I need to learn to not think twice about such idiots.

When I was at the Apple store getting a replacement power adapter, I got the Berlitz Beginning French CD. Additionally, I subscribed to all these French podcasts. While I was on there, I also subscribed to Japanese and Russian podcasts. After that, I decided to join French, Russian, and Japanese Meetups.

Well Bonnet Nuit, Sayonara, Do Svidanja

I spend way too much money in Target. Therefore, I am only going to go once a month, if that.

I am ready to create new ones. I want to get the transparent kind, but they are way too expensive. However, they would be unique and would get notice in the DC business world because everyone is so conservative here. Whichever one I decide to get, I will get it done before January is over.

This month I finally began applying for creative-writing type of jobs. It worked! I got a recurring gig writing dating articles. I was flabbergasted. I have finally stopped fearing rejection. If I get rejected, I get rejected.

Today, I applied to be a Writer for an environmental parenting blog. I will find out in January if I got it or not. Even if I didn’t, I at least tried.

I get insomnia twice a year. Not sure why, but it never fails. This one has been the worst one yet. It’s been going on since June. I had to talk to my Internal Medicine doctor, so she could prescribe me some sleeping pills.

I think the depression plus thinking too much made me not need any sleep. The worst was going on 25 hours without sleep and still not feeling tired. My ex gave me sleeping pills that finally knocked me out.

After tomorrow, I plan on forcing myself to sleep at least seven hours a night. No TVs, no laptops, and no thinking. I might start meditating 15 minutes before it’s time to sleep to see if this quiets my constantly-thinking mind.

I know that is one of the reasons I have aches and pains everywhere. My body seems to be deteriorating. I have lost almost 30 pounds since this insomnia hit. Sigh…I sometimes feel like I am going to be like the man in Stephen King’s “Insomnia” and start seeing creatures that no one else can see. I hope it doesn’t get to that.

Yesterday, I was reading a Woman’s Day magazine, when they had an interesting article about children’s crafts. Instead of saving every piece, save the best ones, but take photos of the rest. Use a software like Blurb to create books of these photos.

I have saved every piece the kids have created since they were babies. It’s now getting a little crazy. Therefore, it’s time to let go of them and start getting real. Definitely a book is better than piles of crafts.

The kids are going to start Soccer in March. Before that happens, I want to have my crazy, inconsistent schedule in check.

I have always been good with languages. Today, I got the biggest push to learn French. I took the kids to the park, and there was a grandmother with her grandson. I am pretty social, so I said hi and asked her if she lived around there. She didn’t speak any English and was from Russia.

I took one class of Russia in college, and still remembered the basics. I actually was able to carry a pretty ok conversation with her. It made me realize that I am not satisfied just knowing two languages. I want to learn more.

When I went to Aruba in 2005, I was shocked to see that the people always knew more than three languages, which is how many countries are.

French is a language that I have always loved listening to. Therefore, I have decided it’s the third language that I want to conquer.

I have known nothing but pessimism for a few years. Therefore, there are days that I don’t even believe smiling exists. I don’t want to be that person any longer. I am becoming happier and more alive, so it’s time that I smile at least once a day.

Smiling is a good way to make your negative feelings melt away.

I want to begin volunteering to help children and/or women. Next week, I am going to begin researching what volunteering opportunities there are in my area that I can begin doing in February.

One of my other goals is to have the kids volunteer, so it would be great to find a non-profit organization that will allow me to do both.

I am currently reading “Screamfree Parenting.” I need to find a second book. I definitely want it to be a fiction. The kids and I are going to the library on Friday, so I will get one then.

I have been procrastinating on many things. One of the things that I have neglected is my skin. I haven’t been washing it in the morning and night, and I haven’t been using my acne medication. Before I head to my Dermatologist for my next appointment, I better get back to my skin routine, or he is going to yell at me. Also, I am now 30, and I have to protect my skin from the signs of aging as much as I can.