desea73

ok so
it was a bad, pig-out weekend
(um thank you Hamlet paper… which still isn’t done… and is due 2nd period tomorrow.)

but my current weight is like… 157ish. Between 155 & 158. Which isn’t terrible when you factor in the fact that I work at a bakery where we also server killlller sandwiches/wraps & pigging out there is really really pigging out & i probably “gained” 5 lbs this weekend.

considering this time, last year, i weighed about 185, i’m like “cool.”

but i’ve got to lose another 30 lbs. and my goal weight for winter ball- which is Friday- was… well- is, 150.

and the goal is 130/size 6 for graduation- may 27.
haha- ok if i weigh 150 at winter ball (which it could, just because i know i’m heavier right now from all the food i ate today)
then if i weighed 140 at sadies…
... i could theorhetically hit my goal.

the thought just excited me.
too bad hamlet doesn’t…. well. back to that.

I’ve gone legit skinny dipping in a pool a few times (many times the summer before sophomore year. i don’t think i wore a bathing suit at all, except when i was in hawaii with my mother- no way do skinny dipping and my mom mix.) and hot tub skinny dipping… always fun.

so my bf and i stopped seeing each other… it was a very drama-lame situation…

basically, he was seeing one of my close friends two years ago. they slept together, and when him and i met (through her) she told me she’d really loved him- problem is, she’s the kind of girl who “really loves” every guy she flirts with, let alone dates. and she’d gone out with the guy i’d lost my virginity to (and not told me. AND made a move on him! and he was the one who thought i should know- she never planned on telling me!). so her ex and i ended up at a party, ended up kissing and he wanted to see me the next day. (he was very cute… kept calling to make sure i got home alright and such. unfortuantely, i wasn’t exactly sober so parts are quite fuzzy.) so we started seeing each other. i really really liked him. it wasn’t necessarily love, but it was on the road that it could have evolved. i finally started moving on from monte, the guy who broke my heart about a year ago and the only guy i’ve ever really loved. (not the guy i lost my virginity to.) so, mike (my friends ex/my bf) and i were out, when my friend called. she happened to ask who i was with and when i wouldn’t tell her, she got really angry and figured out i was with mike. i started panicking and mike talked me though it and was really great and offered to talk to her and everything, but i insisted that since her and i were closer, i would talk to her. when we did talk (after mike and i spent the evening together) she insisted that we break up and never ever ever speak ever again or her and i couldn’t be friends. and, besides, she added, there was no way he cared about me. (which i thought was just plain mean spirited of her). she said she wanted to tell him that, so she called him, but he wouldn’t pick up for her, so she told me to call him and tell him to talk to her. i did, but i told him to call me afterwards.
he didn’t. my “friend” told him never to talk to me again or that i’d lose one of my best friends. i think she might have said other mean spirited things, but i don’t know for sure.
but i tried to call him, and he was just very… short. and i will admit, i cried. and now i have his sweatshirt, sitting in my room, and both of us are about to leave to go to school. i feel like i failed… i lost the guy, and i lost my friend- i can’t be friends with someone who put her own selfish desires above even considering my happiness. she knows that its rare for me to genuinely like a guy- especially one my own age (i admit… older men are my preference). but she wouldn’t even consider my feelings, and that really damaged our friendship. she calls me everyday, and i always have some lame excuse to not talk to her. i just can’t do it anymore. but i really miss him. i mean, i’m doing really well moving on, but it sucks because there wasn’t really closure between us. but i opened my heart up- i really really did- and i’m proud of that.
yay for me.
but does anyone have any ideas what i should do about his sweatshirt…? i called him this afternoon to see when he was going to pick it up, but he didn’t pick up. i left a message, but now my dad has my cell phone. basically it’s a mess! what do i do?... (and yes… even i have to laugh at the situation. i should send this to disney channel- i can totally imagine this happening on lizzy mcguire)