destoute

As a selfemployed artist for me it will all come down to self-discipline. I think of noone you can expect to act disciplined without motivation. And motivation is a very hard word.

You have to feel like you are taking away all the bad in the world. If you don’t feel this then there is no motivation, just you dulling in in practical, logical, rational answers. You have to feel you’re work is GOOD!

First of all I do a lot of sports to get feeling high and to feel like doing things. I can sit and be undisciplined for a whole day or I can grab a bike and cycle for hours on an end. Nothing will get you down faster than living in doubt because you need to act self-disciplined, but lack the motivation.

So I take long rides on my bike or do exercises with my dumbbells with little weight, so I last long. This clears my mind and gets me motivated.

But motivation can also be a psychological thing. You need to know what drives you. For me it is the fight against a system that tried to keep me small. The only way out is self-discipline for me, because if you can’t expect nothing more from the power of the society around you, you have got to turn to yourself!

And this is a hard step, turning towards yourself. Putting away all shame and trust on your own capabilities. Sometimes it might even be a little on the egoistic side to take power in own hands. But eventually this will be the only way to come to the best ideas and works for your own life, because you are the only one who has got to live it and sees how to.

So take action. Go sporting and feel alive. From that basis take care of yourself and this world!

Well I am going to London all by myself this week. No reason not to take bold action and really be bold and enjoy the time there. Go and meet some friendly people and do some crazy fun stuff and feel the loooooooooooove!!!!!

I have been sick for a long time. Panic attacks and psychosis. Now I am thinking that I was never supposed to be an engineer. What I really should do is go for the things I really enjoy and also am really good at. These things are painting, music and I also love to sport and play rugby. If I don´t do these things I am most sure I´ll go crazy and stressing myself for studying math and computer science will just kill me and all of my fun. So we´ll see how it goes from here. I am quite confident, because I have quality to offer. I don´t do to much thinking about ´finding´ or ´looking´ to what I really want to do with my life. I´ll just keep myself busy with the fun stuff en things will work out just fine. But yeah the answer to that question would probably be making art! So I might press the ´I´m done´ button soon.