diciocln

fascinating people doesnt mean famous people. in my life i have several beautiful and amazing friends. im lucky.

im in a sorority and we just finished formal recruitment. basically the process where we pick up our spring pledge class. it’s a nerve racking week. but my entire sorority perservered. im proud.

to the point of my entry: during the last night of recruitment we do a ceremony where all of my sisters and our potentials stand in a circle. everyone cries. everyone. its crazy. i cried. i cried cuz i looked at everyone of my sisters in that circle and saw so much more.

i saw people that have come to me for help. people who i’ve gone to for help, best friends, sisters.

those women are my fascinating people.

i cant keep track of all the nights that have been spent in deep (or not so deep :-P) conversation.

i guess my point is that you dont have to look far, sometimes the most fascinating people are right under your nose. dont take them for granted.

i just wrote a long entry on the site about it…

the death of my grandfather brought me back to my family. i guess everything happens for a reason…

love you grandpa…

imstillpetrifiedthatmydadwithscrewwiththetrustimabouttogivehim.

my grandfather left this world a week and a day ago, my dad called me (im the closest grandchild to my grandma’s house) and asked me to come and be with him and grandma.

i was heart broken. so i delayed. i collected my thoughts, showered, did my hair, plucked my eyebrows, anything to delay. i also had to look perfect for my grandma. i know she judges me. i went to the funeral home where my grandma and my dad were. when i walked into the room where my grandma was i started to cry. the funeral director thought that i was because i was sad about losing my grandfather, which was only part of the truth. i was truly scared that my grandmother would push me away and not love me anymore, especially b/c i hadnt spoken to her or the rest of my father’s family for almost a year.

but i did it. i made up with her. i made up with my dad. i absolutely positively became a better person for it.

I DID IT. and it feels good.

but im afraid that he will do something to me to screw up all the progress we’ve made.

petrified.

and im also scared that me getting closer with my dad and his family again will hurt my mother. i feel like i hurt her everytime i mention the family.

but one thing at a time.