dirtyletdown1

loved it ! hahaha empty beach with my best friend at 4pm on a cloudy day ! .... why not lol
so much fun, adrenaline rush and pure entertainment since i forgot about the life guards !

its costly. and takes alot of time and interest. u need to be highly enthusiastic for it to become successful and it helps to have a car and insurance. i have none of these things besides enthusiasm and interest. it could take some time but hopefully i could start taking lessons by christmas? we’l see. it’d definitly be worthwhile in the long run !

i really would love to do this healthily. honestly i would. but no matter what i try, it never ever works. ever. like sometimes i think its God takin revenge for me being such a stain on humanity lol or karma for something shit i did lol
but yeah.
pretty much at the minute im prepared to do anything in order to loose 40lbs and if i dont loose this 40lbs, i mite actually go mad.
its not even really a massive part of the eating disorder issue. like yeah sometimes it is but baically the eating disorder revolves around lack of security and cntrol. and i know that for a fact.
iv been takin different diet pills recently and i hope they work. started even takin laxatives which is HORRIBLE but it does the trick on a short term basis

even if i dont look all tht different, i want to feel it, yaknow? just feel like im able to wear what i want and do/go where i want without spending all my time thinkin and obcessing about how much i think people hate me and laugh at me and look at me. its not fun nor is it healthy for my sanity and general wellbeing.. and no doubt if i lost the weight id feel so good i wouldnt even have time to care what people thought.