dkaiser

I’m 19 and in college. I take a full load of classes and get okay grades; I study a lot but I also party a lot. I don’t work and my parents give me enough money to live very comfortably. Part of me wants to grow up; quit the worrying about what others think about me, ace out of college and get a good career. But the other part of me says, hey, your 19 and in college, you don’t have to grow up yet. I still want to have fun.

On a deeper level though, I’m insecure. I can’t let go of things that happened to me in the past. I do like myself for the most part, but there’s parts of me I hate and wish I could change. I’m not aggressive enough, I let other people decide things for me. Making new friends is tough because I have to let them get to know the real me, and I don’t even know the real me. I’m inconsistent, and lazy sometimes too. I’ve never even had a girlfriend before – I flirt and hook up and get numbers, but ultimately I just can’t let myself get too close to people. These are because of my past and my childhood, and I’ve come far, but I really just need to get the hell over my past, accept the person I am (which is not a bad person) and just fucking relax and let people get to know me.

I’m in my first quarter of German right now at my college and its my favorite class. I’m pretty apt with languages and I think if someone’s great at English, then German will be a peace of cake for them. Anyways my mom’s from Germany and my dad’s parents are from Germany too, but I never learned a word until now. Germany’s an awesome place to visit, the people are great.. If your not taking an actual class definitely try and get over to Germany sometime or find people to converse with.

I’ve been taking Chinese for about a month now at my college. It’s tough, but not impossible and once you build a foundation it gets easier. Chinese is really simple when it comes to sentence structure and grammar. I think it’s the characters that are tough, but if you keep on it you’ll learn it. You gotta start from somewhere, so first learn to pronounce the pinyin (romanized), master the tones and learn the radicals and numbers. I took Japanese in high school and it was a piece of cake, I struggle a lot more with Chinese but it’s a completely different language and it just takes time and perseverence.