dodosprima

Oh and today in therapy, my therapist told me that I should throw out all my tweezers. I was so surprised by my response. I started crying. That really showed me how addicted I am. It was like I was on drugs and they told me I couldnt take them anymore. It gave me a glimpse into how addicts feel. I really didnt realize how addicted I am, but now I dont know how I missed it.

So I just spent some time looking online for others that have the problem that I have. I have trichotillomania, but I dont pull my hair from my head. I use tweezers to remove it from basically everywhere else. It started in middle school with just my eyebrows. But now almost a decade later it is now just about everywhere. The longest time I spend is plucking all of my pubic hair off. That used to be the last place left that I didnt pluck hair off. But then I was at the pool with some friends and a friend made fun of me for not being fully shaved down there. Well thats like telling an anorexic they are looking overweight. I freaked out. And ever since I have been tweezing all the hair down there too. The thing I hate the most if tweezing my legs because it leaves these really bad marks. My boyfriend knows about my problem, and he says I really should stop with the legs at least cause they look bad. Im feeling really ashamed about it all because I feel so alone. There are so few trichs to begin with, and all the ones I can find pull their head hair. It would be really nice to talk to someone else who does what I do, or even better has fixed their problem with this. I started therapy recently.
Im in medical school and I am looking into doing research on Trichotillomania, because there is so little being done. Plus I have read that people want physicians and researchers who personally understand the issue, and I definatly understand it. So thats enough for tonight.

so i had an appointment with my psychologist today, and even though im not that impressed with her, she is still early in her career, Im glad that Im taking the steps to working on my problems. So the key I am taking from todays session is to NOT DO ACTIVITY THAT WILL CONTINUE/ENCOURAGE/INCREASE my obsessive worrying thoughts. This includes not looking at the myspace page of the bitchy wife of my ex who decided to write me and rub it in my face that he and her are happy. I have the urge to tell the whole story right now, but that would be CONTINUING the thoughts about the whole situation. The important thing is I acted like a LADY. I am proud of my actions. I am in the right. Thus there is nothing more to do. Except fight the deep urge I have to write back to this girl with some pretty nasty words. It is definatly taking alot of energy to be classy about the whole thing, as I was raised in a very unclassy home. But that is the whole point. I am trying hard to be the person I want to be, not the person I have the urges to be. I am changing myself for the better, and I especially wont let her take that from me. So no more visiting her page to see how pathetic her life is, and thinking about what to say to her.