Douglas

Today I did my first one. I was walking along a path in the greenway next to my office at lunch today. A woman approached me in the other direction and there was no one else around.

I immediately saw my opportunity and was mindful of both this goal and being in the present moment.

As she approached I thought, is she a beautiful woman and when I could see her clearly I decided she was. So I said Hi, clearly and with a fair amount of positive energy. She smiled and said Hi back.

Both of us kept walking but it sure made a difference in me. It wasn’t an emotional high but I sure felt good for having worked my goal and stayed in the present moment and having initiated making a connection. The fact that neither of us did anything more didn’t matter.

This one isn’t from the book but is a gem none the less.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu

Is honoring my spirit. I have spent much of my life ignoring what and where my spirit was leading me, to the detriment of my life and happiness.

I took a course a year or so ago called Warrior Spirit and it helped me see the value and gave me the courage to make my spirit the most important counselor I have. My personal faith is a large part of that but it also includes much of what I have learned through experience on this planet.

What friends and others say is important to me but in the end it is my own conscience, values and spirit that decides for me, even if everyone else thinks I am crazy.

“When you make it your intent to simply be present, fears about the outcome simply disappear.”

I ran across these quotes from the Dalai Lama, which describe pretty well my beliefs about love.

Take in account that great love and great achievment involve great risk

Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon

So this goes hand in hand with my other goal, and let go of fear.

I almost did this last week but didn’t. Its been blazing hot here this past week and I hesitate to bike home in it.
If I bike to work I leave around 4:00 am to get to work at 6:00am, which is my normal starting time. But coming home at 2:30 is the height of the heat. There are several steep hills coming home that would make a nice breeze.

Tomorrow there is a lunch-time seminar on bike commuting, which I plan to attend. Maybe I will learn something.

The nice thing is that my cube-mate at work is a very experienced rider and has given me many good tips and advice.

Asking for what we want in our relationships. The following quote is from the book.

“The additional benefit of asking for what you want without knowing the outcome is that taking a risk on behalf of greater closeness is an act of transparency and vulnerability. When you become more transparent and allow yourself to be affected by the other’s actions, you become more real. Being real is more attractive than playing it cool, so you are more likely to get what you want.”

I find that fear often motivates people. Sometimes without them even realizing it. It certainly has in my life. But as I get older I am more and more motivated to let go of fear and risk it all to make a sincere and deep connection with people.

“Truth in Dating is about having fewer conditions on your happiness. It’s about developing yourself into the most real, self-trusting, and loving person you can be. These are the qualities that lead to happiness.”

I adopted this goal after posting a comment to empressjuju and reading her response. I want to thank her for her concise and apt description of this.

So I want to, as empressjuju put it, “become more open and approachable to happenstance.” So I will say a friendly, “Hello,” to see if the women seem receptive to a bit more conversation. My goal is not to get dates but to integrate initiating contact into my being!

I was doing pretty well for 2 weeks but today I am sad again. Still miss my sweetie.

I have so many gifts and skills to bring to a relationship. I want someone to give my heart to. Someone to cherish.

I have a lot of skill too that I have developed over the last 20+ years.
The book Truth in Dating talks about how many people, perhaps most people, compromise on getting what they want in a relationship. But it takes honesty and a willingness to risk to really go for it. I am wondering where the author is going to next take this point.

I know for many years I acted as if I couldn’t get or didn’t deserve the kind of relationship I really truely wanted.

But I am changing that now.

What a wonderful activity and way to express fondness for another human being. Doing it in the rain captures so well the disregard we have for, and the unimportance of, the weather.

So yesterday I saw a presentation for joining a dating service. I suspected it would be expensive and decided before going in that I wanted to honor my committment to reducing my expenses and improving my finances.

So it was over $6000 and they kept reducing it and finally ended at $1800. But I still said no. Hooray!!!!!

So I kept my word, which felt good. I also felt a little sad because the service looked pretty good but they aren’t going anywhere and when things change for me I can always go back.

Or maybe I will find the woman of my dreams on my own!

So the key to achieving this is to enhance, improve and expand my relationship with myself. Its always been pretty good but I also have areas I need to improve.

Reading the book Truth in Dating is what I am doing right now. I am truly inspired by it.

In relating you speak your feelings, not your judgments. You do so in the interest of transparency – not to get the other person to change.

This is getting a little easier. What keeps me stuck in the past more than anything is not being seen for who I am, not being acknowledged for who I am.

I know I can’t expect that from everyone I meet in my life but it sure does hurt when its someone I love and care about deeply.

But each day is getting better and easier.

“They do not love that do not show their love”
- William Shakespeare

I have browsed through it. I don’t plan to read either book cover to cover since they both have material I don’t care about but the important facts I will.

I have already decided that a classic Vespa is not the way to go in spite of the fact that they look great. No, the newer models are much easier to maintain and use. I have no need to take on a new career of maintaining a vehicle. I am capable of doing it and if money got too tight I would have that option but it has never interested me much.

I stopped by a music store and ordered the Rachmaninoff piano transcription of The Star-Spangled Banner.

I also did some internet browsing last night and found out that Van Cliburn is playing at the Interlochen Music School next week. He is 72 now and still plays at select sites. Apparently this is one of them. I would love to go but the cost of a flight to Michigan and a hotel and the tickets is too much for me right now. Ah well, some day I will make it and for the time being I have my memories.

So I think I will spend some time creating that menu this week. Never done it before but will see where it goes.

I read a short book recently called Red Rubber Ball. Its all about following your passion. I didn’t learn anything new but the author’s stance, tone and attitude are marvelous. Wish I had some of that. Maybe I can create it.

Anyway, owning my own restaurant is the dream that comes closest to the kind of passion he describes. Still doesn’t seem to be quite the intensity he talks about but that’s where I’m at.
So there you have it!

The ability to relate is an essential skill for successful relationships. Relating means being present to and being willing to reveal what you are experiencing in the moment – your feelings, your wants, your intentions.

Controlling is the opposite of relating.