I'm doing 22 things
I feel very emotionally drained right now. Yesterday (night especially) was fun and great, and I don’t regret anything, but it also got me thinking. I feel stuck with my life (this I’ve said many times before) and I just can’t keep it up anymore, this leg of the road must come to an end soon, life the way it is right now isn’t what I want.
Every once in a while, I still get the desire to run away from everything around me, and to me that’s a very strong indicator that something must change, because I only want to run away when I feel I’m suffocating. I can’t be happy as long as I need to get away, the urge to leave everything behind is stronger than anything else.
What causes the suffocating feelings? I’d say it’s the moments when I clearly (and painfully) realise how detached I am from other people. When I can feel all the life pulsating around me and at the same time know I’m not part of it. It leaves me standing alone in a spotlight, darkness all around, highlighting the separation.
If one day I decided to run, I don’t know where I’d go. I doubt there is a place anywhere in the world where the same suffocating feelings wouldn’t follow. It’s a known fact that you can’t escape your thoughts and feelings, no matter how hard you try or far you run, they’ll always find you. I guess that’s the sole reason I’m still here, because I know running away is of no use. But I’m growing weary and I’m running out of ideas. The next big change that comes must be something that helps me rid of these haunting thoughts.
I really have nothing new to say. I just needed to get this out of my head.
