drunkencockatoo

I wrote him that I don’t want whatever it is we had anymore, and to my surprise, he just wrote a casual message the next day, as if things were still the same. I know he tends to do that with me because he thinks I’m an impulsive person (I AM an impulsive person) and he probably just didn’t take me seriously.. thing is, one of the reasons for me wanting to end the whole thing is that he just doesn’t take me seriously, so I got really mad. I ignored his message and I just didn’t react to it. I didn’t write or call for 4 days and yesterday he wrote me a message again. There was a movie in which he also appears for like 2 minutes and he asked me if I can see it. Of course I saw the movie but I didn’t react to his message. I think it is best to stay strong because he knows how to get me. I am sure he got my message and now I have to be strong and prove this is really what I want. It is what I want regardless of what he says or does, right? I think I stopped thinking about him as often as I used to. Well at least that’s something…

Just chill, enjoy and take whatever you can without thinking too much about what it might mean or what it might turn into… always remember that even in the worst case it seems like somebody has “used” you, you also used THEM to some extent, right?

yesterday he surprised me by showing up all of a sudden. he lives some 500 km away from my place, i wonder what made him come without a reason. we had a great time but he said a couple of things that made me feel it was the right choice to stop the whole thing. i just don’t know how and when to tell him because i have so many other important things to settle right now.. and he is going to disappear again anyway. it’s strange, when he is here, I feel 100% sure i’m not in love with him. it’s great to see him and all, but it’s different when he’s away. i knew he was going to be in town today, but i told him i can’t see him cuz i have a lot of things to do- which is true, but to be honest, i really didn’t feel like seeing him. i sort of had a bad conscience, but i still can’t make up my mind whether he really likes me for who i am or whether it’s all just a wham-bam-thank-you-mam thing to him. now that he’s away, i keep checking my phone and hoping he’ll call or write me a special sms. probably i just enjoy the attention he gives me…