ebonystarr27

I too have heard feedback from a few close friends that they are sick of hearing me complain about everything – and it was definitely something that didn’t please me to hear. I guess when you do it so much, you get used to it and don’t notice – or you don’t really see it as complaining, just stating your opinion or whatever is on your mind. I am making an effort to stop as well, and I like Arcadia16’s idea of making a hash mark or giving yourself a point every time you do. 10 marks per day may not sound that difficult, but for those of us who can find something to complain about in just about anything, it really is a challenge. I read a really good quote by Maya Angelou that helps: “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.” This is much easier said than done, but I find that when I put it into practice it does help to minimize the number of things I can find wrong with a situation. Still, it’s a work in progress…

grrrrrrr i’ve been holding onto something for almost three months now, and no matter how much i try to let it go, i just can’t shake the anger and resentment. i want to, NEED to get rid of it. it’s poisoning everything – i can’t stop obsessing about what happened, i keep playing it over and over in my head, so every day it’s like the anger is fresh. how do i stop it? the constant malcontent spills over into everything and is starting to effect my work and my relationship. wait a second – i shouldn’t be letting anything get to me so that its affecting my work, that’s my paycheck. so we definitely have to figure this out…

So all summer long I made it a point to go to at least one or two social outings a month. That doesn’t sound like a lot, but for someone who is perfectly happy to spend an evening home alone and was doing so every day for almost a year, that’s quite a big change. But you know, it really wasn’t that hard to do and I found myself going out more often. Each time it got a little bit easier, and it was nice that there was usually at least one person I knew from being out at the previous gathering. Gradually, I began to loosen up, trying to remember to ask just as many questions as I answered – not to force anything but to keep the conversation progressing until we touch on a mutually interesting topic (my what I have learned! lol) And by doing this, I knocked a couple of other items on this list out of the box (get better at small talk, make more female friends). I’d forgotten how much fun it is to just go out with a group of people to have a few drinks and dance. I really didn’t have to worry about talking too much anyways because I was too busy laughing at the jokes and dance moves people were busting out.

And it felt good to finally relax and be with other people who seemed genuinely happy to have me around. It’s nice to feel that again. And I think what was happening before, was that I was so wrapped up in my own head and anti-social ways that I didn’t realize I was also sending a message to people that I didn’t really want to put in the effort to form a friendship or deepen one. And that’s not cool, that’s the exact opposite of what I want. So I don’t need to be out every week, 3 nights a week. I can still go out and keep my alone time at home – but I also realized that being social is not just about going to hang out. Sometimes just reaching out with a phone call or an email is enough. Just so people know that you remember and you care to keep in touch. The rest will work itself out.