ecaley

I don’t know if I’m sure what it even means anymore to be a part of a church, and I’m not sure if that’s even terribly important to me. It can end up looking rather… corporate.

I moved a month or so ago, and though the church I’d been attending stood for some good things, it’s now a 30 minute drive, and still big and somewhat impersonal.

These days I walk to a church that I used to attend, one with lots of old people and young families, and very few people my age. But it feels comfortable and safe—small, unassuming, more like just a group of people choosing to sit together for a few hours.

I doubt I’ll stick, honestly, because I don’t intend to stay in this area of the country. And ultimately, because I don’t think it matters nearly as much as I used to.

I bought a knitting book for my sister last weekend, and I wound up squatting on the floor of the bookstore for about an hour (until my ankles gave out), poring over patterns and directions and ideas. I was downright inspired. Granted, I cannot see why anyone really needs a knit bikini, but it seems there are some extraordinarily attractive possibilities out there. I’m in.

I don’t think this church is perfect at all. There have been a few things said from the pulpit with which I disagree, but it seems that this will always be the case anywhere I go. If I choose to focus, though, on the emphasis on community involvement, particularly the work with Burmese refugees, I feel encouraged.

This morning I volunteered with about ten other people from the church at a community food bank, and I felt very safe and connected to good things.

I am a bit startled to drive home from church with a sense of hope that is stronger than my cynicism. Growth seems possible from this light.

11. the warm yellow light from the midmorning sun and the way it renders clementines and beads and books and skin magical
12. the way my friend’s voice gets very shrill when she’s excited about something
13. looking around my living room and realizing I’m surrounded by my own artwork
14. having a whole Saturday stretch out before me with boundless creative possibilities
15. waking up early on a Saturday when everyone else is sleeping and feeling like I know something secret
16. stacks and stacks of books I want to read
17. the smell of rosemary
18. Japanese fabric
19. staying within my budget
20. feeling hopeful about a church

I started a scarf with the aid of my sister. It is ugly and uneven and not even in colors I like, but it’s knitted, darn it. My goal is to someday be able to make baby sweaters or argyle socks or something. That would be a useful skill.

http://funtimehappygardenexplosion.blogspot.com/2007/08/guerilla-gardening-seed-bombs.html

I won’t be able to do this until spring, but I want to…

1. having a fireplace
2. Sufjan Steven’s Songs for Christmas
3. leftover pizza
4. NPR
5. Japanese socks that make my feet look like they’re wearing mittens
6. getting something you actually want from your Secret Santa
7. the actor who plays Dill in To Kill a Mockingbird
8. palpable pre-holiday anticipation
9. eggnog
10. being in a profession that allows for snow delays