effingspecial

I am almost done I just need to get like 3 or 4 more things! can’t wait til im finished completely.

I keep thinking about him. I think because it is Christmas time it is making me think about him more. I really miss him though. I wish he was back in my life and that I was back in his life. I want things to be back to how they used to be. I just want to be with him…
When I imagine my life and the way things will be in the future, I imagine my life with David…man, I don’t know what to do. I just need to get over it I guess and to try and stop thinking about him.

I’m really irritated right now because of my co-workers. God they just bitch about every single little thing. It’s like “Get over it!” or just shut the fuck up about it. JEEZ. It’s negativity central when I am there. Its crazy how someone’s negativity can really affect the people around them. It can ruin someone else’s day. Because I come into work in a good mood and all positive and everything then all I hear is them bitching and complaining and bitching and complaining and bitching over and over and over and it never stops, and it really annoys the fuck outta me and puts me in a really bad mood because I feel so annoyed.

i feel really frustrated. i just really want a cigarette. just one. i was thinking about maybe allowing myself one cig a week. thats probably just my weakness trying to come out. but i decided that wouldn’t be a very good idea. it would probably start as one a week then go to 2 then 3 and so on. this just feels so permanent and it makes me kinda sad to think that i will never smoke again ever. idk deep down i feel like i will one day, like quitting is only temporary. i really really want to smoke a cig. but i won’t. sighhhhhhhh

i already know exactly what i want. and i thought about it and i dont think i would ever regret this. but since tattoos are permanent, i want to wait like 2 years and see if i still feel like same…

i got it done 2 days ago. im so excited. i know its gonna be a bitch to heal tho. piercings like this usually take bout a year to fully heal. i just needa clean it a lot and not irritate it. woohoo i cant wait til its healed. so cute…loovesss it. it was prolly the 2nd most painful piercing i’ve had.

yay! im so happy that i have been able to go 2 weeks. thats longer than i thought i would be able to go. i have been extra cranky lately tho. and my anger is outta control….especially when i am driving lol. i’ve been craving a cig but i just keep sayin NO! to myself. and every day i write the number of days on my hand that way it kinda makes me wanna keep going when i see the number of days i haven’t smoked. and because if someone asks what that number means, i dont want to be like “oh it WAS the number of days i’ve quit smoking but it should actually be zero now.” lol. i almost had a cig today during work. i was so annoyed and bcus i worked a double so on my break i just really wanted one. plus like almost everyone i work with smokes. i mostly smoke at work and also when im driving. but i didn’t smoke one. i went out with another coworker and she smoked one and i just stood out there with her. kinda like having one….without the risk of lung cancer. well i did have her blow some smoke in my face haha

goin strong

because sprint fucking sucks and my phone will die if i talk on it for 10 minutes even if i fully charge it all night long. what the fuck and my chargers just stop working all of a sudden. it has happened twice now they just stop connecting even thouigh they are plugged into my phone. man i hate sprint i hope they go outta business

I hate my job. everyone is annoying there. ahhh! so frustrating.

i miss him still sometimes…

its been a week.

bought the tickets. woo lol

because all of my “friends” are not even good friends. ahhhh! I feel so mad and sad right now. GOD! why can I NEVER stay friends with anyone for long?? what is wrong with me. WTF obviously people fucking change when they go to college. and obviously I must have a sign on my forehead that says USE ME. because they always seem to do that. maybe its me. maybe its my fault that I can never stay good friends with people. maybe I push people away. maybe I am just a a horrible person and thats why we stop being friends. no one ever gives a sheeit about me anyways or about how I feel. jeeeeez I am so sick of everyone ALWAYS betraying me. ALWAYS!!!!!!!! and it never seems to fail…

1. Harry Potter: Book 7
2. Three Cups of Tea
3. The Golden Compass
4. The Subtle Knife
5. The Amber Spyglass
6. The Memory Keepers Daughter
7. The Kite Runner
8. The Life Before Her Eyes
9. Eat Pray Love
10. In Her Shoes
11. Jemima J
12. (currently reading) Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

i love reading and i go through phases where i will read SO freakin much then other times when i won’t read at all but when i find a good book i cannot put it down. if you have any good suggestions for some books….please lemme know!! im always lookin for the next great find!

I have to save up round that much by hopefully next summer so me and micaela can go to europe. omg that is my dream to travel so i have to save up the money! and i finally found someone who i would like to go with and would enjoy goin with and who is dowwwn to go with me! yayyy. this trip would mean like the world to me. better work a lllooooooottttt maaaaan

lovesss it lovesss it!!!

not my whole head of hair just the bottom. cutee

I would like to do this with a boy. hehe yes that would be fun