ejovan

last night i had some wine. i woke up feeling crappy. a ‘feeling’ in my throat and a tremorousness in my whole body. i don’t drink all that much. but i just hate it, even moderately, it feels like such toxic sludge, and yet there i go. i am not an alcoholic because i do not do it every day and i can have just 1 drink, though i usually have enough to feel the relaxation buzz which is the whole point in the first place. i don’t want to do it at all. i want to relax without it. cope with stress and anger and hurt without it. and i want my body to heal from all my past abuses.

about 2 weeks ago i quit, sort of. since then i have had about 8 cigarettes. it happens when i drink. i want to quit drinking too. i am not an alcoholic, but i do have a drinking problem because i do it more than i want, especially after work and when i am in social situations, which is too much. i feel crazy all the time and nicotine is the only thing, only thing, and yet it is nothing. my lungs hurt. imagine, my lungs hurt. i am in physical pain from the damage of cigarettes and yet i crave. i want it so much to be free from the bondage of this addicition. i am going to get through this day without a drink or a cigarette, i am sure of it. but i am not working today. i plan on not socializing today. so of course it will be easy to relax. but what about tomorrow? i want to do this. i must tell myself i can do it. i can. i hope this motivational site will help me.