ekek1112

we all have our ups and downs with people in our lives. and ive learned the most important things in relationships are trust and forgiveness. we all get that feeling in our stomach when someone lies to us, hurts us, or says things that at the time you feel you just can never take them back..but the truth is we have too take a couple steps back and realize just how non-perfect we can be most of the time. and think when we have hurt people, especially when we hurt people and dont even realize it. cause people do hold things in..just thinking back on all the things ive held in which is definately a way too explode sooner or later. everyone i have built a relationship with being in the family, a friendship, or a boy..they were important to me to begin with and in the end they still are and when i have broken relationships where we are eithe rnot talking, are mad, or whatever happened it always comes to mind eventually and i dont like to keep hurt over things i like to mvoe on and keep living life and forgive. forgiveness takes a lot of pride to let down and put all your guards down and just grab a hold of God and pray to him to give you the strenth to do what he wants you to do!!

im outgoing so i definately think ill have no problem. i am definately one of those kids who HAS ALWAYS NEVER WANTED TOO GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL. everyone thinks thats just not normal because everyones so ready too see the world and move on but i could cry everyday abou tit. im going too miss cheering, basektball, track..walking down the hall being crazy with my friends, kicking the coke machines getting free quarters too fall out, just EVERYTHING about high school!! but i know once college starts all pop right into college zone and lovee it too!! its just the biggest change everr!!

the last guy i dated was my best friend. thats what relationships are suppost to be, they are your best friend. AND thats cool but when that relationship ends, you cant forget you do loose your best friend and thats something you dont get over in a couple days. so our breakup was probably one of the most confusing that even i can barely explain. we just slowly started fading after a silly fight after i wouldnt go to a razorback game with him because we had been arguing lately and i just thought we needed some time. from then on we started talking more on the phone then actually being around each other. the feeling was still there and we didnt talk differently too each other. we were talking one night and it was just a mutual breakup really over nothing where im sure neither one of us thought it would actually be OVER but it was and it only got worse and harder to deal with because it was just unexpected and it was one of those you dont realize what you have till you loose it. before we had started dating he had gotten in trouble for drinking and stuff and during our relationship he didnt ever want to do those things and i was at the point to where i did. i would always invite him and beg him to go with me but he would just stay at home while i would go to parties. now i look back and know i should have thought more about his feelings but at the same time he had gotten to do all that ..we were the same age..but he just expericed it all before me. so after our wierd breakup that neither one of us really got. i still took it as a no big deal thing and would try talking to him and his friends at this point wanted him single so they could be boys i guess. and this is when he started changing. we talked about once a month from then on randomly just wondering about each other i guess and this is really the first time i let myself be sad over a boy and it KILLED ME!! we had dated my sophmore and junior year and broke up the month of november my junior year. at the beginning of my senior year we decided to try again but he had changed so much as in doing things he use too be too good to do and more. so i felt like the trust wasnt there anymore. he said that we had both matured so it would work. but in reality i think i had gotten out of the party stage when he had just got back in it. after all those times of missing him and thinking about him EVERYSINGLE DAY like i still do know [that i hate] i told him we probably shouldnt only because when we did try again i expected a cute date or where we like started over something i dont know..i mean it had been a whileeee and we had a lot of catching up too do…the same feeling was there and we were back to best friends again but i was confused..i guess i expected him to chase me after saying that..but he still texted me everyday and we did that for a long time but i eventually told him we couldnt do that if we wanted to mvoce on..i told him he should get a girlfriend bc deep down i knew if he had a girlfriend i would be less likelky too ever want him again,, wierd i know but thats how i felt….and so he took that as me saying he was such a bad guy for the things he had been doing then and we stopped talking. i recently had my graduation and looked over in the crowd to my left and we both made eye contact and even tho we ended whatever taht last thing was on good terms i had hard feelings and i dont know if its because i sitll to this day can not stop thinking of him..not in a i miss him like want to be with him way..but in a i miss what we had so much and i cant feel that with anyone else…way you know. i deleted his girlfriend now off my facebook and him because i just didnt want too be tempted too look at their pics together even tho there wasnt any yet and she took it as i was upset they were together bc me and her were friends but the truth is she is a nice girl and apologized ifshe hurt me and that wasnt it….i just dont know what i wantttttt uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i just cant wait till the day i find the next boy that stops me from thinking of this guy every single day!!!!