elenahitomi

I can’t love others if I don’t trust myself and trust my instincts on people. It sucks when I think that EVERYBODY will do a bad intention on me. I feel like I have a sickness of some sort. I do it to my family and to my boyfriend. It’s becoming a bad cycle, really… I haven’t achieved this one yet..

I admit, I don’t care what I look like. I don’t care if I wear scruffy clothes and my hair is all messed up and my shoes are dirty. Well that’s pretty much okay, coz it’s my freedom of expression. But sometimes, we have to know WHEN we need to dress up. Like, choose the right place. Like, I can’t be scruffy-looking in the office, right? You just can’t. And also, effort to look nice.. Yeah SO true. Even for just once in a decade, maybe, make an effort to look nice, don’t you think? Hehe it’s fun..

I hope I achieve this coz I’m SO SCARED.

At times, I still think of the past, the past that left me in tears. I had nasty breakups, guys dumping me and leaving me for another one, cheating on me. That’s why now, at times, I don’t trust my instincts towards my new boyfriend. And it sucks coz I’m being unfair. I hope I can trust myself, and let go of the fear. I don’t want to get scared anymore.. I hope I’ll feel less pressured about this… Yes. I love my boyfriend. And I hope he understands what I’m going through (well.. I know he does.) Sigh, how can I make up for all of those people I have hurt… I don’t trust myself that much. Bottom line..