emilyjade

davey havok has the most amazing voice
better live, no doubt.
they played silver and cold and I cried, because it was so beautiful

well, a year ago I met the most amazing boy ever. Thats what I thought of him at the time. Looking back, he is such a dickhead. He did drugs, smoked, generally a bad boy. Maybe thats what made him attractive, as well as him obviously being gorgeous.
I talked to him for hours, he was so sweet. I barely knew him but I was so attracted to him. If anything happened I knew it would be a one off thing. Yet I fell for him in the few hours.
Love? Not a chance, but it was stronger than like.
I text him a few days later, he text back. It went on like that until I went on holiday.
On holiday I had abit of a romance, but Jordan was sitting in the back of my mind. I got back and phoned my then best friend. I told her all about my holiday + the lifeguard who took an interest in me. Her words were “oh good, you’re over Jordan right?” I said “No way,” Then my heart sank when she said “Oh no” He kissed my friend Hayley. I hated her but I didn’t hate him. I cried for days.
Months past + I forgot about him, went with other boys who took my fancy. I didnt think of him. I thought I was totally over Jordan. I was going out with Steve, he was cute – really really into me. Yet it didnt feel right. After a heart-to-heart with my friend I realised we were going no where, because I liked him because he liked me. So I broke up with him. Then we talked about what it felt like to really really like someone, thats when I realised the only person that I ever really truely liked was Jordan.
So literally two days later, I was at a club thing, and I said to my friend “oooh he’s cute” She looked and said “Oh yeah, Jordan is reallly nice still” My jaw dropped. I did a double take + it was him. I couldnt believe it was him. All those feelings struck inside me again, and I felt physically ill. Several times I saw him. He knew it was me, he kept looking at me, knowing what he was doing to me. I realised that he enjoyed watching me squirm, all along thats what he set out to do. He even walked into me. Thats when I broke down, crying.
I wasnt over him. But seeing him again, realising what a jerk he was just helped. I’ve seen him since + I can honestly say I feel nothing but disgust. Getting over Jordan was one of the hardest, but one of the best things I ever did.

i do it on a monthly basis
if im single that is
never cheat.
it can be worth it
part of the thrill is knowing its not going to go any further than a kiss + thats it
it can lead to relationships, have with my once although be warned, they’re short-lived because they’re based on physical attraction and not emotion