emmylouwho

So I’ve decided that though I’m not the worst offender of “Valley Girl” dialect, I could stand to eliminate the word “like” from my vocabulary except for in cases when it means “to enjoy” or in comparing one object to another.

Let’s see how this goes.

I went with a friend of mine on a rather lengthy trip from Nebraska, south to the base of Missouri, across to North Carolina and Virginia, across the Chesapeake Bay, stopped in Cleveland, and were going to stop in Chicago but weather prevented that. Then we headed home.

(This was going to begin as 5-10 tips and I just kept typing. Sorry.)

20 Tips:

1. Choose a friend who is as spontaneous as you are.
If the friend is more timid than you, you will be annoyed. If the friend is crazier, you may fear for your life. (A good road tripping partner was part of why I really enjoyed my trip.)

2. Say it with me now: “Well, (insert any city/site) is only a couple hours away.”
This will become your mantra.

3. Have a good map
Both the U.S. (or whatever country you are in) as well as smaller state/providence maps.

4. Stop at the visitor centers.
Free maps. Free restrooms. Brochures for crazy attractions you’d maybe never hear of otherwise. Anyone know there is a National SPAM Museum near/around Chicago?

5. AAA.
If you (or any of your passengers) have it, you will love it.

6. Though not recommended for the more timid traveler, if you check into your hotel after midnight (of 3 a.m.) in our case and look REALLY tired, you will get a discount.

7. Force yourself to stop more than you think you want to.
Especially if you think driving is a fun as I do (I find it rather relaxing). If you don’t, by the end of the trip, driving will not be so fun.

8. Make your dad proud and check your oil every so often.
No one likes vehicle problems when they’re hundreds of miles from home.

9. Passengers have the right to pick on the driver’s poor skills
But only so long as said driver is not trying not to die while maneuvering through Chicago and its construction problems at 3 a.m. In that case, said passengers should shut up and help navigate.

10. Construction workers may hit on you
Chances of this are especially high if you visit Asheville, North Carolina and you are female, even if you look like hell because you’ve been on the road for three days. This is another fond memory of mine.

11. Polaroids are your friends.

12. Avoid Virginia Beach in non-touristy times.
(Though I’m not much one for tourist hot spots in peak visitor season either.) The huge statute of Neptune and the ocean are really the only things to see. The only shops open will be all be selling the exact same souvineir crap.

13. Highlight your the route of your trip on a map
A map of the US, state, whatever your boundaries are as you go. It’s fun to see it when you’re done.

14. Journal.
You (or in this case my road trip partner in crime) will write observations like these down:
“We discovered that Iowa has the world’s largest everything. That is what all of their signs said. We also noticed as we left Nebraska that north and south roads in Missouri have fireworks stands and east and west roads had porn shops. So to find the world’s largest porn shop, we are guessing you just have to go on an east and west road on the Missouri-Iowa border.”

15. Even if you say you’re going to the south, pack at least a few pairs of jeans.
Your trip will inevitably lead you more north than you predict and you will be chilly.

16. If any disagreements arise, a Magic 8 Ball will solve the problem.“Should we stop here for food?” “Should we go to Oklahoma?” The omnipresent 8 Ball can end any disagreement.

17. CELL PHONE CHARGERS!
Don’t forget them. You will be angry.

18. The most memorable photos aren’t necessarily around well-known landmarks.
The strange places you stop and see are what can make a road trip unique. I rather enjoyed taking photos by the signs in Virginia Beach that have a big “no” symbol through the phrase ”$#^@%” meaning No Cursing. We found these very amusing. Give us a break—Nebraska doesn’t have them, OK?

19. Gas prices suck.
Deal with it. You’re on a road trip. That being said, you should split the costs. Trade off who pays at each fill-up.

MOST IMPORTANTLY:

20. Make a list of the stupid quotes you and your fellow travelers say while on the road.
This was by far the best decision we made while on the road; I still look back and laugh when I remember making the following observation:
“The District Court of Maryland is in a strip mall with Curves and The Family Dollar.”
... Seriously, Maryland. Is that the best location you could find for your DISTRCIT COURT?

It only took my 19 years to finally do this. Not really sure why I waited so long. Partially fear of pain, then just didn’t really have it as a priority.

But when you’re looking for something fun to do and no movies look good, beware: you may up with piercings or a tattoo. Overall, this was definitely a memorable outing with my old roommate.

Who knew how fun having metal shoved through your ear lobes could be? :)