My grandma is dying.
And I’m also considering having my cat put down.
It’s not been a good week, and it’s not going to get better for a while. I need to be able to keep myself going, get to work, get my work done, get some sleep and exercise, not drink my troubles away, not take out my depression on the boyfriend. Attmept to learn and grow. But mostly just get out of bed every day.
Nov 06, 08:30PM PST | 0 comments
It’s another week until the vet appointment, but I’m going to try to get it moved up. I canceled most of my upcoming travel because my grandma is dying. That means I’m home to take him in. And home to be kept up all night.
Tonight after him keeping me up for 2 of the 5 hours I planned to sleep, I was bawling my eyes out and he comes over and sits next to me and makes some noise. I couldn’t hear him over my own crying and got the idea that he wanted in my lap. Awe how sweet, he’s going to give me some cuddle comfort. Nope. That noise was a hiss, and my cuddle was a face full of claws and more hissing. I can only assume he was freaked out by my own gasping and thought I was hissing at him or something…
Yeah, so my eyelid won’t seem to stop bleeding and it’s all swelling up. My alarm is going to go off in about an hour and a half from now, ya know, so I can get up refreshed and do all the work I procrastinated on all day long. And if I attempt to sleep anywhere but at the kitchen table he’s going to start in on the howling again. So I’m up for the night. I really wish I had some coffee in the house! Green tea is not going to cut it.
We’re going to the vet next week. And unless the vet can give me some kind of TREATABLE medical reason why he’s turned from an ordinary low-level demon cat into a fully formed devil from hell, he just might have to go down. I wonder if he’s in pain himself and thats whats going on. Do I have it in me to go through more testing and trial and error and treatments.
I can not live like this. I don’t know if I can live through experimenting with drugs that might help, that require me to give him a pill (why aren’t all cat drugs injectable?!?).
I’m deliriously tired and panicked and my face is bleeding and I can’t concentrate on work that I really really really need to be doing right now. So who knows if I’ll take all this back and delete this entry after a couple nights in a hotel this week.
Nov 04, 02:50AM PST | 2 cheers | 4 comments
My grandmother is dying. I can’t imagine getting on with things.
Nov 03, 12:57PM PST | 0 comments