This goal was super old!
We never did get it solved until it was too late.
The cat had inflammatory bowl disease and subsequent nerve damage to his bowels. He didn’t understand the physical feeling of needing to go poop. He’d just get uncomfortable and freak out until suddenly he pooped. For years with thought he had behavior issues. It was never behavior issues.
I feel so terrible about how much he suffered.
I’ve gotten in the habit of walking to and from work when the weather permits. I love it! I love the quiet time to myself without the stress of navigating busy streets by bike. I might not have the biker cred, but it’s perfect for me.
We’re having the cat put down tomorrow. This decision fits remarkably into this goal, which is kind of devastating. The cat’s illnesses have been a major factor in my life for 6 or 7 years now. In the last 5 months that’s kicked into overdrive.
In many ways, this is about my convenience, not his health. Of course it is about his health. But my decision is about how his health is influencing my own quality of life, not his. He’s not at that point that people think of. He can breath and eat and play and cuddle. Sure he sleeps a little more than usual. And occasionally skips meals. But he’s not suffering I don’t think, only the 1/2 hour every few days when he poops. the poops cause suffering. Suffering for both of us.
I set the date at the 18th. By the 18th, he would have been on the current drug for a full month. In the past it worked in a few days. It’s not even meant to be a long term thing. I set the date at the 18th. If he doesn’t have a solid poop by the 18th, then it’s over. And then he threw up twice on the 10th and didn’t eat a thing and barely moved on the 11th. So I made the decision. I called the vet and had a long talk. He’s not suffering so I put off the DAY to the 20th. And then on the 15 he had a solid poop. Not just solid, but too solid, like the past, when the pendulum was in the other-easier to clean-direction for all those years. What does that mean? Is he better?
I went ahead and made the appointment for tomorrow as planned. He’s not really better, he’s as good as he’ll ever be. Incontinent and constipated is better than incontinent and diarrhea, but it’s no way to live. And I don’t know how long it would last. I’m sure it wasn’t a solid month of antibiotics that finally cured him (actually it’s been about 5 months of one antibiotic or another). It was just the cycles of his illness, and it will come back.
We can’t live with an incontinent cat. It’s no way to live. I don’t think he’s suffering now. But why wait for that? Why put him through it?
We have a vet coming to the house to do it. I will gladly pay a premium to not have to wretle him into the crate that scares him, drive with him howling (and pooping on himself) in the car and then end up at the place he hates the most with the people he’s most afraid of. I hope the vet that comes here doesn’t smell like a vet. I hope he likes her. It will be much better for me if he’s not scared. I’m scared though. I’m scared that this vet who doesn’t know him and his history and will be seeing him where he’s king of the castle will not understand. I’m scared she’ll judge me for putting down a cat that is outwardly healthy and playful and vital.
I can’t believe I’m going to put down a cat that is playful and vital. I’m a horrible person. I’m so selfish. I’m giving up. I have failed. I hate this.
I’m taking up birding.
I don’t know why I feel like that equates to this goal, but I’m certain it does.
We sprayed bleach and scrubed a bit. I’m really worried that there is a leak in the wall or that the windows aren’t installed properly. Not sure how big and expensive this project is going to get. Potentially very.
I’m taking a nature immersion course and it’s turning out to be so much more about awareness and sensing than I’d imagined. We’re learning about not only identifying birds by their calls, but understanding how wildlife communicates danger through calls and alarms and how to tune into that. We’re learning about walking quietly and being aware of the sun and the wind and the noise we make. We’re learning to identify the direction that a sound is coming from. I absolutely love it and am so thrilled with how it relates to this goal.
I read a kid’s social studies book about Iceland. It wasn’t what I expected when I reserved it at the library, but it turned out to be perfect for my needs. Basics of government, geography, history and lifestyle. Easy to read. Lot of photos and maps. Perfect.
I also read Jar City, which is one of a series of detective novels set in Reykjavik. I shall be reading more of these.
I detected a gas leak at my house that no one else could smell. My friend thought I was over reacting by calling the gas company… And there was a small leak. Nothing hazardous, but we will get it fixed next week.
I just bought a book about origami and math. This is what I’m talking about.
I’ve been tracking my water intake (as well as a lot of other variables) and found that hydration makes a huge difference in my foot pain. My worst pain is the day after I spend a lot of time dehydrated and on my feet. If I drink enough water I’m virtually pain free.
My bike is put up for the winter.
They are doing a big road construction project near my house and the scary 5 way intersection will be redesigned to be more bike friendly. I hope I can be less afraid of it next summer.
I have a plan for a hiking/guide book.
I have no idea how to make it a reality. I think the content is pretty easy, and already half written. But things like maps are hard and can’t be left out. I can’t draw them, do I have to licence rights to use USGS maps? Can I just trace them?
I’m fairly proficient at basic origami. I’d like to do some more complicated stuff and practice the basics until I can be creative at it rather than just following directions.
Log in max of 2 times per day, prefrably while on the bus or other non-productive time. Comment or Like or start 2 conversations. Log off.
Post on my own wall max of 1 time/week.
I realized that my boss’s boss has the skills and knowledge that I’d like to one day have. He’s my roll model for now and as we reorganize our group I hope to ask him to be even more of a mentor.
I’m shy about asking for things like that, and telling people how much I look up to them, so this is hard.
If I was confident that I really want it.
The housing market in my area has picked up considerably. I’m closer to positive equity than ever. Proof this is purely beyond my control.
I love it so much! I’m over the moon.
No photos. Not sure if I’m going to post any photos anywhere, because I don’t like the idea of it ending up on Pintrest. But let me tell you, it’s the kind of beautiful tattoo that people pin on Pintrest!
Hurt like hell though, way way way more than I remember the original. But the original was like 15 minutes and this was 4 1/2 hours. The pain doesn’t ease with time and I never got used to it. It gets worse as the artist has to manhandle the freshly tattooed areas. After 3 hours there were enough wide-spread broken skin that she could use the numbing spray. I honestly don’t think I could have made it all in one session without it.