english_wolf




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learn martial arts (read all 3 entries…)
slight hiccup!

If you’ve read my earlier entry you will know that i finally started training and i was loving it, unfortunately i then went and did something stupid and haven’t been able to do any form of training again until recently!
I was clever enough to have a climbing accident and i managed to snap my ankle in 2 places. Crutches seriously sucked, as did my complete loss of freedom, but my new found passion just couldn’t be killed off, in fact i think it became even more intense.
Well, even though my depression started to resurface due to me being unable to exercise I got myself through the worst and i have finally started all my sports again, except for kickboxing that is. Kickboxing still has to wait another month, no point starting it too early and re-injuring myself, that would just be dumb.
Anyway, Bring it on, because i can’t wait to get back to it!
Through martial arts I managed to find a resolve inside me that i never knew i had. Maybe finding that out because of the accident makes snapping my ankle worth it. Either way, let’s just hope i never forget that lesson because it’s certainly not one i want to have to go through again.



learn martial arts (read all 3 entries…)
Finally started!

Woo hoo. After six and a half years of wanting to do it but being too afraid of faliure (and having no self confidence or any feelings of self worth whatsoever) i finally tried kickboxing out today, and it felt good. I know i have a long way to go and i’m not going to let this small step carry me away, but things are looking positive and tonight i go to bed with a smile on my face for the first time in a long time. One small achievement at a time, who knows what’s possible if i persevere.
Good luck to everyone in their goals and quests in life, and remember, if someone like me can overcome their problems then someone like you definitely can too.



make a music video
Hard work, but fun

I fell into making professional music videos by accident, but it’s a great experience (and one that annoys my friends with media degrees who are desperate to get experience and work in music videos and i just walked into it, but that’s another story). Anyway, the days shooting can be very long, usually about 7 or 8am until midnight, and you will always end up with an unexpected problem somewhere along the line but it’s a blast shooting them, and pretty surprising the quality you can squeeze out from a very small budget.

If you really want to make a music video the best advice i can give you is to just go out and do it. Get some friends who want to be on camera and get them to mime to any song you like and see what you can do. Editing is where the real skill comes in if you shot on a miniscule (or non-existant) budget, but even with something basic like windows movie maker you can edit together something pretty decent looking. Where you go from there i’m not sure. Maybe keep the final product as a showreel to get you onto a decent course at college/university, hopefully get a few people to look at it and then get some constructive criticism and learn from your mistakes, and then who knows where it will lead.
Music videos are the greatest place there is to experiment with techniques and obscure ideas, and are brilliant for expressing yourself.
Robert Rodriguez the famous director (look it up on imdb if you’re not sure) made his first proper film by shooting everything on a borrowed camera, editing, directing, shooting, everything himself, even writing the music for the film himself and he did it on a $7000 (mexican dollars, if they’re different to american, not sure) budget which he raised by undergoing experimental drug therapy, and he came in under budget. He got his mum to cook for the cast and crew, got his friends to be the actors, borrowed fake gund from the police, and with a lot of audacity and will power he made a pretty decent film, which looked way more expensive then it cost.
My point is, if you really want to do it then there really is nothing stopping you. Good luck



Give blood
Just a regular part of my life

From a very young age I used to regularly watch my dad give blood and also plasma, and so it wasn’t really a surprise that i started giving regularly as soon as i was old enough. I’ve never been scared of needles, in-fact, i actually kinda enjoy them! (note to anyone reading this, The only needles that have ever entered my skin have been for regular shots, giving blood, and tattooing, incase you were thinking something else!)
Anyway, my donations may have saved a persons life, or even a few people’s lives and that makes me smile.
If you’re thinking about giving blood but worried about the pain just remember the following, the pain you think you are going to experience might put you off, but if you do go through with it then you can take pride in the fact that you’re making a conscious effort to help your fellow man.
When help is needed those who have the power to act also have the responsibility.



Be satisfied when i give 100%
Currently seems impossible

I am hugely self critical and very low in self-confidence and i put myself down for even the tiniest mistakes or imperfections, and so i never seem to feel satisfied. I give almost everything I do absolutely everything i’ve got and still I don’t feel satisfied with my effort, and it’s driving me mad. I cannot give more then my best yet i continually berate myself for not doing better. I’m sure i can use this to my advantage with a fair bit of work and hopefully it will mean i become very driven to succeed, though i don’t want the hunt for success taking over my life completely. I always play fair and refuse to cheat to win as a hollow victory is less then nothing to me, but i just want to be happy that i couldn’t do any better.
The classic example is when i bowled a perfect game, and i put myself down for a couple of the strikes not being absolutely 100% perfect strikes, even though they were great shots which were always going to strike. Oh well, i’ll work on this one and see what happens. One worrying thought though, what happens if i ever become world champion and i still am not satisfied, where the hell would I be able to go from there?!



bowl a 300 game (read all 2 entries…)
almost did it again

It was a while ago now but i’ll finally admit it in print…i choked! I’d hit a perfect game in league play a few weeks earlier but on the night in question I threw XXX8/XXXXXXXX and immediately after i threw XXXXXXXXXX7/ which left me with 18 in a row but no maximum. It’s a pity the first game was a 191 because i could have had my first 800 series that night, instead of finishing with a 756 (which, by the way, i am not disappointed at in the slightest as it’s more then i ever thought i would possibly achieve). Still, i’m not retiring until I hit a 900 series or I die, and even then i don’t think i’d have a good enough reason to give up the sport that i love.



bowl 18 strikes in a row
Will I ever beat it?

I may have missed out on hitting another perfect game when i did this but i still see it as a huge achievement that i’m proud of. Not bad for someone using a 9 year old bowling ball! Well, the new season starts in a couple of weeks and i’m up for challenging my records and improving myself further, though i’m not sure how long it will take me to come close to even matching this feat again, let alone beating it.



drift a go-kart
Brilliant feeling

Admittedly i’m not a great racing driver and drifting a go-kart on an indoor track isn’t that difficult, but my god is it serious fun. Travelling around 2 or 3 corners sideways but in almost perfect control was great fun, and i really can’t wait to do it again. Now all i have to do is work on not crashing all the time and i could be a pretty good go-kart racer!



work up the guts to ride at least one "real" rollercoaster before I die
(legion of doom style!) Woooooo, What a rush!

It took me a long time to get the guts to do this one but once i got started boy did i go overboard. I always thought i’d hate rides that are high, fast, and loop all over the place but instead i found out i enjoy the rush. I’ve gone from abstaining from these rides to being addicted to them, and it’s an addiction i’m happy to feed every once in a while. Highly recommended.



Beat my depression
time to get rid of it, or at least stop listening to it anyway!

Depression pretty much defines who i am, or it has done for 17 years now, and recently i’ve been seeing little by little what a life without depression would be like. I have the most amazing friends in the world but didn’t realise just how good they were until fairly recently. No matter what i’ve thrown at them they have forgiven me, helped me when i’ve needed it, and they can almost always cheer me up, and i can’t really ask for anything more. I can only try to return everything if they need it, but i’m not sure if i’ll ever be able to, though it won’t stop me trying. I’m hardly perfect yet, i have major downers still, but i’m getting better at getting out of them quicker, or even stopping it altogether sometimes. My point is that even if you believe you’re alone then you’re not, people do genuinely care about you and want to help you, even if you are sometimes really nasty to them.
No matter what happens in my life and no matter how much more crap i have to go through i will never give up my hope for a depression free life. I’ve become upbeat nowadays, which is amazing when compared to what i was like just a few months ago. I now just about want to get out of bed every day, i can cope with looking in the mirror and seeing myself, i’m proud to be me and of what i’ve achieved, and i smile many times every day instead of once every few weeks.
I’m probably going to have a few relapses on my journey but i refuse to ever let them beat me and nothing will stop me because i want to be happy so badly.
My advice to others is kinda difficult to put into words. Basically, the only person who can get you out of your mental prison is you, and that’s hard to accept for most people. The thing you have to remember is that your mental prison is a figment of your imagination and if you make yourself truly believe that it’s not there then it’s gone. I know that i was holding myself prisoner in my own head and i no longer allow myself to do that.
If you’d known me before and now then you’d still say i’m grumpy compared to most other people, but you’d also say i’m on my way towards happiness.
Sorry for the rambling entry, bad habit of mine, just needed to air some stuff.
Peace



Coach a sport
why just coach one?

I coach a few different sports and i love passing on knowledge and skills to others, whether older or younger then myself. It’s satisfying when people you teach become better at it then you, although i haven’t experienced that much yet as i don’t get to teach people for that long at the moment. In the short time i get with them i still see major improvements and when i see people happy with progress they’ve made i’m happy too.



become a certified lifeguard
hard work, but worth it

I hadn’t swum for more then 10 years and i was not in any sort of training so it was not very sensible of me to start the course, but i passed it anyway. I had to push myself so hard during the timed swims that i managed to dislocate 3 toes during one of my practice runs in the weeks training. I’ve done some stupid things in my life and not got hurt but pushing against water and dislocating 3 toes makes up for my good fortune elsewhere i guess. I popped them back into place (much to the horror of the others on the course) and then found out i was well within the time i had previously been unable to beat, so i guess it was worth it (even if it was just a practice run).
Anyway, if i’ve never been a good swimmer, was out of shape, and hadn’t swum for a decade can pass the course simply because i wanted it so badly, then you can pass it too if you really want it. Good luck



Take up parkour
just like being a kid again

My childhood was neither really good or really bad for a lot of reasons, but i’m not going to go into that right now. What i do remember is that before i became very insular i used to love running and jumping off of things, and the thought of doing it again sends an exciting shiver down my spine. Parkour is great for your fitness from what i’ve seen, though you need good technique to stay injury free. Hopefully i’ll start this soon as it’s had a big appeal to me for a few years now and it’s something i can see myself enjoying, if only i can get started and then stick with it.



overcome my fear of heights
wasn't really an option for me

Where i work we take climbing, abseil, and zipwire and i desperately wanted to be able to take all three, but i was terrified of heights. First time i went up the climbing wall i got halfway and freaked out, went nuts at the person belaying me, and demanded to be let down, but things have moved on since then. I had to keep trying and force myself to get higher and higher and it took a lot of attempts and a lot of willpower. Eventually i managed to get to the top of the climb and i even hung off the bar at the top and started doing chin-ups off it.
I am now qualified to take all three of the activities and i take them all the time. I help others overcome their fears everyday and the look on their faces after they’ve achieved something they thought was impossible is absolutely priceless to me. I still get nervous every time i get to the top of the climb and every time i have to lean back on the abseil wall but i force myself to do it every day, and i’m happy that i managed to push myself past my fear to become something i wanted to be.



Get a tattoo
try stopping at one!

I got my first tattoo a few years ago now and it was half planned, half spur of the moment. I’d been planning to get inked for a few weeks and then inspiration hit me for exactly what i wanted, and i don’t regret getting it for a second. The big problem (if you consider it one, and i don’t) is that tattoos are very addictive. I didn’t stop at one, or two, and i don’t intend to stop for a while yet, but i do know what i want and where i want it. The most important things for me are going to a reputable studio that has excellent hygienic standards, and even more important then that is that you get something for a reason, and not just because it’ll look awesome. I’m proud of all my tattoos and they all have deep meaning to me, but not everyone is as lucky as me as i know loads of people who regret their decisions. Just remember, It’s your skin and your choice, i suggest you use that choice wisely.



learn martial arts (read all 3 entries…)
wanted this for longer then i can remember

I’ve put this off for a long time and I have a myriad of excuses as to why i always put it off, but none of them seem to really matter in the grand scheme of things. I want to do this to prove a lot of things to myself and to get my body to a state where i’m happy with it. I’m in decent shape, low body fat, decent eating habits and such but i’m also not the person that i want to be and know i can be. Martial arts can hopefully help me with self discipline and also confidence and seems to answer so many of my questions…..my only problem is starting it.
Just like everything in my life i guess that i’ll get it when i truly want it. I’ve achieved a lot of things in the last year and i know that when i put my mind to it, i can achieve absolutely anything my heart desires.
I wish everyone else good luck in trying to do this themselves and if you’ve got any good advice on how to get myself mentally prepared to get started at it then please contact me.



be an inspiration
An unbeatable honour

If my actions could inspire someone to try harder, to make themselves a better person, maybe to help others or many other things then i think i’d be happy and at the very least content with myself. I’m not sure what area of life this could apply to as there’s so many it would possibly fit into, and even worse then that is the fact that i’m not sure if i’d ever be good enough in anything to inspire anybody in anything. Then again, maybe I already have. Maybe people look at things i’ve done and it spurs them on, but they haven’t told me about it.
It would be an honour to be a source of inspiration for someone as long as i was a positive role model to someone. I don’t even want to think how i’d feel if i’d inspired someone to do something completely against my morals, that’s a scary but interesting thought!



find true happiness
does it exist?!

Well, I have no clue what would make me truly happy, whether such a state of mind exists, and if it does then how long would it last? Too many questions and not enough time. I’m sure i’ve answered this question in my own head during one of my many insomniac nights when my brain goes 10,000 mph at 3.30am but as soon as I sleep I forget all the details of my amazing thoughts and just remember that i had an awesome life changing thought, which is seriously frustrating.
There’s always been something missing in my life and maybe if I got it i’d find happiness, though i still feel that even if I got this thing i would still not be happy.
The only thing i truly crave in life that i’ve never had is Love. I’ve never felt loved and i’m tired of always being lonely even when i’m with all my friends, it’s a cold feeling and i’ve had more than my fair share.
Well, the thought and the search go on, and who knows what tomorrow will bring
Sorry i wrote so much. Good luck to everyone with their ambitions.



Watch all 6 Star Wars movies, in order, on one day.
seriously draining

Managed to do this a few weeks ago and went one better then doing it on dvd as I managed to do this at a cinema. It was a private screening and there were not many of us there for all six films, but it was a good atmosphere and a good day overall.
Not even that huge a star wars fan if i’m honest, just an absolute film fanatic with a love of many things in life.
Go for it, but beware the fact that you have to sit through some seriously crappy dialogue and Jar-Jar Binks in the course of this epic. Oh, and it messed up my sleep for a few nights afterwards aswell, but i still enjoyed it



i want to fall in love with someone who loves me as much as i love them!
erm...

Never experienced love before but have always been fascinated by it. Sure there has to be someone out there who is perfect for me, just wonder if we’ll ever meet. Is true love falling in love with someone who is perfect, or someone who has faults but you fall in love with their faults anyway and see them as pefect even though others may see these traits in their character as faults? May take me a while before I ever answer this question, or tick it off on my list here saying i’ve done it because i’m not sure if i’ll ever know.



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