i would have to say that this was completely worth her doing. she has changed my life in so many ways, all for the better. ill spend the rest of my life trying to repay her. i love ‘essayjee’ (annie) a loooooot! :oD
me and my best friend have started doing this wherever we go. we made a myspace for people to comment on it, which we will leave on the posts-its. we just started that myspace though, so we haven’t left any post-its with it on there.
if you want to add, or leave it on yours;
the myspace is
myspace.com/postsx
:]
i wrote up about 100! but i left only a couple so far. i think this will be an ongoing one.
did this at our hotel. we were on the PH, so we had like twenty or so floors below us. it was at the beach, so everyone was either sunburnt, or sandy, or wet. so, it made it even weirder. haha, we also put OUT OF ORDER signs on the doors for when they closed, like on the inside sliding part. & as soon as it shut, people instantly would press the OPEN DOOR button. & get off.
me & my best friend did that last summer. i had alreayd ridden all of the roller coasters. but we did the little kiddie ones, which i hadn’t done.
& its those carefree days of mystery. & cluelessness. & making up everything. & imagining. & being whoever you wanted to be. & having friends, just because they were in your class. & not knowing anything about boys, and not wanting to know anything about boys, because they were gross. & knowing babies came from storks. & not understanding why your older sister dated a boy. & laughing & gagging when people told you “you’ll like boys when you’re older”. & dreading getting older. & planning your whole life. & carrying a baby doll around & wishing she was real. & feeling grown up by just carrying her around & “feeding” her. & being proud of your parents. & knowing they were the best people in the world. & they were your world. & wearing the huge bow & dress that your mom picked out. & not even realizing how silly you looked. & a pinkie promise ensured trust. & when you didn’t know who god was, but went to church anyways.& its when you learned the world is spinning around you constantly. & not feeling it. & wondering why that was. & its the first time you rode a rollercoaster. & its when you learned that some people died, but you didn’t realize that everyone died eventually.
& its your first crush. & the butterflies. & your first boyfriend. & your first time big test. & the first time you realized you were your own responsibility. & its the first time you noticed everyone was changing. & its when you realized who you wanted to be. & who you didnt want to be. & when you realized who everyone truly was. & who your REAL friends were.& its the day that you started your period. & you finally felt like a grown-up, or a teenager. & you were scared. embarrassed. proud. you were a mess. & its your mom talking to you about your “body changes” & you being humiliated. & its the first sex ed class you took. & sitting there, shocked. & not knowing how much your world would eventually revolve around sex & these body parts you were learning about. & its the embarrasement you had the first time you said “penis”. & its about being confused & not really understanding that sex wasn’t just between a husband and wife. & not understand where babies really came from. & only wanting to hold a boys hand. but you didnt. but you wanted to. but you were too scared. & its the times where you spent hours rehearsing for a school presentation. & you were terrified to present in front of the class. & its the first time someone close to you died. & you understood that you would one day too, and that terrified you
& its your first boyfriend. & the notes that ask you out and the directions say to “check yes or no”. & you check yes. & flashing smiles to him from across the room. & telling everyone he was your “boyfriend”. & not caring when your parents laughed & said “yall are going out? well, where are you going”. because truth is, we werent going anywhere. & you were happy about that, because you were much too nervous to go on a date. & its the first time a boy calls you. & your dad answers. & says “ITS A BOY!!!”. & you getting grilled with questions about who he is. & its about you being humilated that your parents realized you were interested in dating. & its your dad telling you, you can’t date until you’re thirty. & you thinking he really meant it. & its those calls where you sat there & said nothing. & you would ask how their day was. & that was all we needed. & the phone calls were awkward & short. & you loved each conversation. & you began to feel like a grown up. & its the first time you touched him. & held his hand. & the rest of the day you felt like your hand was burning. & you could remember. & you replayed it in your head over & over. & you begin to think about kissing. but worrying. & man did you worry. & you’d worry about if you’d be good or not. & exactly how you were supposed to do it. & making out, was out of the question. & you didn’t really know what making out meant exactly anyways. & the first time you cared about what you wore. & you had to have a certain brand of clothes. & swearing you’d never go to school unless you got a jacket that said the name brand on it. & its about crying so hard because you didn’t get it. & it was about you caring so much about your apperance.
& its the first time you got dumped. & it was only after a few days. & it was when it didnt matter. where you had shared nothing. & its the first time in your life that you felt horrible. & it was unlike anything you’d ever experienced. & its the way he said “we’re breaking up”. & how humilated you felt. & it wasn’t really even about the fact the relationship was over, but the fact that everyone knew who had ended it. & its the fear of facing your class the next day. & begging your parents to let you stay home. & swearing they are the worst parents in the world for making you go. & its the first time that you felt like you were still on that rollercoaster that you had ridden so many years before.
& its your first boy girl party. & praying that you’d play spin the bottle, & praying that you wouldn’t play. because you wanted to kiss him, but you were scared. & you wanted it to land on him. & its your hand shaking as you spin the bottle. & crossing your fingers behind your back. & everyone being humilated when the kid’s parents walked in. & you being dissapointed that you never got your turn. & its your first kiss. where everything melted away. & you weren’t ready, really. but you wanted to feel grown up. & so you kissed him. & you trembling before it happened. & being terrified. & hoping your mint was working. & wondering what you were supposed to do with your hands. & its about opening your eyes for a second to catch a glimpse. & being humilated & relieved at the same time when you realize he’s looking at you too. & your friend breaking a promise to you. & being mad at her for a day. & forgiving her, and not remembering what the fight was about. & your parents letting you go to the mall for the first time. & you feeling so grown up. & its the first time you want to wear makeup. & your mom saying “you’re too young”. & its wearing glitter & eyeshadow & lipgloss, even if you DID look ridiculous wearing it. & its looking in the mirror & hating what you saw. & its about your parents talking to your teacher about your grade on your project, because you were too scared. & its the first time you even noticed boobs. & realized yours were teeny. & its the first time you shoved cotton in them. & realized you looked ridiculous. & its praying that no one would notice. & it was about sitting at the kid table at family gatherings, and wondering what was going on at the adult table. & wanting to sit there so bad. because you felt grown up. & you let your mind wonder about the amazing conversation they must be having.
& its your first dance. & not really knowing how to dance. & the awkward hands on shoulder & swaying back & forth. & its the standing on the dance floor, just looking at eachother. & its maybe doing the chacha slide, if you were brave.& its your first date. & your parents constantly reminding you of it. & you being humilated when they mention it to your date. & your dad telling you to “hit him if he kisses you”. & you laughing. & hoping that he really does kiss you. & its your parents taking you to meet him, because neither of you can drive yet. & its the first time you are in a movie with a boy. & the first time you weren’t really watching it because you were so nervous. & you were too focused on his arm around you. & its the first time you make out in a movie theatre. & its the first time a boy paid for your ticket. & the first time you held hands in public, for everyone to see. & its the first time your phone calls turn into real conversations. & its the first time friendships have really come to an end. & its the first time you swear you hate your parents. & you stomp around & swear you are moving out the day you turn eighteen. & its the first time you fail a test. & the first time you say a cuss word. & the first time you dissapoint your parents. & the first time you were called beautiful. & the first time you believed it. & yelling PENIS because it was funny. & feeling completely comfortable with who you were. & its the first time you really prayed to god. & i mean prayed. & the first time you trusted god with everything you had. & its about winging your class presentation, even if it counts for half of your grade. & its the first time you sat at the adult table during family gatherings. & realizing it wasn’t that great afterall.
& its the first time you understand what they were talking about in sex ed class. & you cuss every other word. & you’re not sure where that habit kicked in. & its when you first meet people who really do drink and smoke and do drugs. but they arent your friends. & its the first time you & a boy do more than make out. & you’re terrified. because you don’t want to seem like a skank. & you’re scared because you don’t want anyone to find out. & him telling people what happened. & you wanting to die. & its the first time you really feel like dying.
& its the day you realize you’re the person you swore you’d never be. & you realize all your friends drink,smoke,and do drugs. & you see nothing wrong with it. & you realize you dont have the same friends you used to. & you realize everything you do now will affect who you will be. & its the first time a boy breaks your heart. & its the first time you fall in love. & its the first time you ever felt like someone was more important to you than yourself. & its dancing around because it was fun. & realizing the baby you wanted so badly as a child would be a nightmare. & you’re scared. & its not caring about what people think about you. & its about just having fun. & its when you want the world to stop time. & its when you’re scared to grow up. & its when you want days to end so badly, because they are so horrible. & its getting 6 hours of sleep. & studying for a test until 2 in the morning. & its your first boy & girl sleepover. & its your first time you look in the mirror & like what you see. & its about not knowing what will come. & realizing the world is nothing like how you saw it before. & wanting nothing more than to stop. & you’re terrified. & terrified in a new way. & realizing your parents can’t fix everything you do. & you hate it. & its the first time nothing really seems in place. & there’s so much uncertainty in your life. & you’re changing constantly. & its the first time you feel like you can’t gain control. & its the first time you feel like you’re spinning, instead of the world.
& its about growing up
haha ive been playing since forever. & i finally beat it this week. then i beat it again yesterday.
can you honestly convince yourself you’re not beautiful?
because when i look at you, all i see is beauty. it’s radiating off of you in so many ways. you breathe, speak, live beauty. i don’t understand how you can tell yourself you’re anything but.
there’s so many different kinds of beauty. & everyone has a bit of all of it. beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. because, so many people see different things as beautiful.
its like when i see a couple, and i think the boy is so cute, and i think the girl is ugly, i always wonder what he sees in her. & i wonder, maybe if i took the time to look, i’d see it too. & i think that maybe if we all took the time to understand things, we’d see beauty in more things. because what you see, isn’t always what something is. & what appears to be not so attractive, could end up being so enchantingly beautiful.
in everyone of you, everyday, there’s beauty in some shape or form. the things you say, the things you do, the way you look. we just overlook it. i guess things are starting to get ordinary, even the most beautiful of things. looks especially. people who used to seem gorgeous are being put up to higher standards, and maybe those same people haven’t changed a bit, but they seem less than what they were before. its all about comparing things.
& when you compare things, you lose sight of what was important. because it doesn’t matter if something is better than something else. it doesn’t change what it was. what matters is what it is, and how it affects you.
who’s to say you aren’t beautiful.
flaws make things seemingly perfect. its in imperfections that things nearly reach perfection. little things, can be seen as flaws, but they make you unique. & make you the perfect you. the way you click your pens, the way your butt looks in those jeans, the way you hum when its silent, the way you look without makeup, the way you say certain words. don’t let someone tell you those things aren’t beautiful. because it’s those things that make you beautiful.
you don’t ever have to change. you’re beautiful the way you are. & each little piece of you fits together like a puzzle to form the perfect you. don’t lose a single piece. they are hard to re-create. it will never fit quite the same, and the picture will never look exactly how it was intended to.
whats beautiful?
well, thats all up to you.
beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
you’re the beholder.
what do you see when you look at me?
its amazing the things you notice when you look at yourself, or anything from another perspective. i don’t understand how people can disagree on something being beautiful. how is it that we are looking at the same person and seeing completely opposite things?
am i missing something? or is it you who isn’t looking close enough?
in a world where no one is the same,
why do we feel the need to be? really. why do we feel like we have to CONSTANTLY compare ourselves to other? last time i checked, you’re you. you’re your own person. comparing yourself to the person next to you does nothing.
shes prettier than you? you are smarter than them? who really cares. by being better than someone, you do nothing for yourself. you’re still the same person. & being SO tangled up in other people and how they compare to you, you lose yourself.
YOU’RE YOU! be proud. be happy. why is it so difficult? i don’t understand. why is it that someone being happier than you, makes you upset? its like, you’re having a good day, but someone else has an even better day, & your day seems less superior. why is that? your day’s events didn’t change. but someone else made you feel less of yourself. no one should ever do that.
no one should ever make you feel less than what you are. but people constantly do it to you. its hard not to be concerned with other people, what they have. & what you don’t. whether its something physical or emotional. chances are, there is someone who is thinking the same thing about you. its a cycle, you know? everyone wants something that they don’t have. & maybe its you they envy. i bet it is. everyone has something incredible about them, something someone, somewhere would kill for.
there are those people. the picture perfect ones. the ones who just seem like their life is amazing. do you ever think maybe, just maybe, they are sitting there dying for something else. we are all starving for something. no one is completely satisfied ever. remember that.
“no one can make you feel inferior without your consent”
really, they cant. its like, my sisters always try to bug me, and when i get irritated & mad, my dad always says “you’re letting them win. they are getting what they wanted.” & it kills me. because, its true. by LETTING something get to you, you’re allowing the person to hurt you. if someone came up to you, and said something hurtful, and you HONESTLY didn’t care; the person wouldn’t be superior to you. by letting it get to you, by letting them hurt you, you’re giving them what they want.
people are going to hurt you. but don’t let people hurt you for no reason. & is there really ever a reason to hurt? just try. just try & stand up for yourself. don’t let people walk all over you. voice your opinion. if you feel uncomfortable, tell someone. if you don’t want to do something, say no. don’t let someone convince you you’re less of a person because of any decision you make. don’t ever let someone make you feel less that what you really are.
stop underestimating yourself. you’re all amazing. i know you are. you wouldn’t be my friend if you weren’t. & i would kill for some of you to see the way i see you, the way that most people see you. its weird how we are looking at the same person and seeing completely different things. you think you’re flawed.everyone is. your flaws are beautiful. & nearly invisible to most of us. you think you aren’t good enough? who is to say what is good enough? there’s no such thing. if you’re being the best you, thats enough. it really is. if you’re trying your hardest; thats perfection.
you have so much going for you. if only you could see it. i can’t see what i have going for me. i really can’t. but i can see whats so amazing about you. & i wish you could see it. maybe you feel that way about me sometimes? maybe not? either way, its both confusing and fascinating how you see yourself & how the world sees you. because its like two different people. yet it makes sense. its the same person. its just, you. you are so harsh on yourself. you really are. you know your flaws. you know them well. you can pick them out. you see them constantly everyday. other people, aren’t so concerened, they are focusing on their own flaws. even if they notice something wrong with you, they see past it. they see you’re a good person. i guess thats what its all about, really. looking further than the surface, seeing, understanding, and appreciating.
you’re not going to ever be able to see yourself as perfect, and thats okay. realize its okay to not be perfect. please do. thats the problem. we all have something we don’t like about ourselves. its learning to see past our imperfections and flaws that matters. by understanding yourself, and loving yourself completely, you are reaching perfection. you really are. you’re being you. you’re being yourself. you’re being enough for anyone. if everyone else can love you, why can’t you love yourself? if you’re “good enough” for everyone else, why can’t you be good enough for yourself? look at yourself. focus on what you truly like about yourself. learn to love the things you used to see as a “flaw”. you’ve got it. you’ve got it now.
live. just be alive. enjoy today. enjoy it for you. & no one else. make decision for yourself. help others, but don’t let it ultimately interfere with your happiness. if something you’re going to do is going to help someone else, but emotionally kill you, please don’t do it. please. you’re life is about you. don’t be all about yourself. but don’t be all about everyone else.
because when it comes down to it, you only have yourself. & i hope when it comes to that point, you realize that you’re good enough for you. & you always have been. & i hope you don’t realize it too late. i hope its when you’re still young. & believe me, we’re still young.
the red cross came to our school for a blood drive. it was really nice. it didn’t really hurt or anything. i didn’t get dizzy.
plus you get cookies & juice
(& i got to miss class)
but mostly, i might have saved a life :]
it leaves little pin marks on some people, and some people it leaves nothing. its pretty neat. it doesn’t hurt, just kind of feels awkward.
ITS SO COMFORTABLE. i havent worn underwear in 2 years. it gets to the point where its annoying to wear it.
