eternaldreamer

I am 19 years old… two years ago I graduated from highschool, happy with a whole future ahead of me… I had the drive to change the world and I was passionate and compassionate and I felt I could do a difference and that there was nothing between me and my goals…
Taking a year off was the best because I found my first love, but was the worst because of all the abuse I received from my host family… humilliated, insulted, threatened, abused by the host dad, mentally abused… I lost it… I stopped smiling, I stopped laughing, I lost my drive, my passions… I started to exist without living… I became emotionally dependant to my boyfriend, who I would use as a punchback.
In trauma and shock I left that country and came back to the USA and went to college… First quarter: rape by one of my supposed to be best friends…
That’s what happens when you live such a great trauma: it ends with something worst… That’s what the psychiatrist said.
I tried to commit suicide, I stopped studying, I isolated myself, I pushed everyone away and then I went to the doctor. I was diagnosed and I am under medication.
But nothing seems to change and I need to overcome this. I need to get my life in track, do well in school and keep on going. I have messed my personal relationships, I just lost my second love… No one understands and everything seems so wrong…
summer and I dont go out, I dont talk to anyone, I get sick, I dont have the strenght… but it’s time to stop.
What happened happened… now I have to move on: I still have a life ahead of me and I plan on living it.