i dont want to fuck up… I have the greatest girl anyone could ask for and though i know this i do not show it enough… weve been dating for about a year now… well actually a year lol… we havent had sex… nor has she come over once lol but thats all cool lol… but i fucked up so bad with her… wow… i made so many mistakes… we are in love… but lately it seems like she isnt that into me… or us… and i blame it mainly on me not being there enough for her… shes my fucking life… and all i do is dream about her… i wake up early every morning and look at a picture of her for an hour or so… she may not seem to eb a perfect match to me… but she’s an angel in disguise… she is my whole world… and i want to be a better boyfriend to her… i want her to trust me again… i want her to know so badly that im doing everything i can to make her life easier… her life isnt that easy to begin with… she self injurs and i have bulimia… but i wont give up on her ever… i will fuck it lol… i just have to be a better boyfriend to her… she is my life, and my stars… she’s my Arsqueaka… and i’ll do anything to see her oh so cute nose crinkle when she smiles… i love my Arsqueaka!
well it to me… is my home… i fucking hate this place im in now… i want to spend my life back in Ireland… my home lol… no one really knows how important it is to me… but it is one of my dreams… and if i dont go back… my heart will never be the same.
Ive always wanted to get an apartment with my best friend arnika… like hes a cool dude lol… nah… its a girl lol my GF! but idk it would be interesting to see what life would be like… honestly… shes going to an out of state college… and a fucking web cam is too idk… but if thats what she wants… fuck my feelings lol… im all up for it… i just wish she really knew how i felt… but yeah… the apartment thing… only time will tell if i do this!!
I LOVE ZOMBIES LOL!!!!!!!!!!! seriously… every night when i ride my bike… i imagine that there arent any cvars… that im one of the last humans alive… and that im on my way to my girlfriend arnikas house lol to save her… and i pretend to make swish noises as i pretend in my head to kill zombies lol!! she can NEVER FIND OUT LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah zombies are incredible… if anyone wants to chat about zombies lol HIT ME UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but really… ZOMBIES ARE REAL AND I WANT TO PLAY ONE IN A FUCKING FILM!!!!!!!!!!!
hey there… i know that most of you people will never care about me… but whatever… im sorry if i have spelling errors… listen, my name is Evan JAmes, i am currently 18 years old… and ive had bulimia for about 3 years… my wind pipe or esoughegas is torn in half… fuck man… every fucking day its the same shit again and again… I WANT TO STOP!!!!! i threw up on my 1 year annaversary with my current girlfriend… i cant bring myself to tell her… but… it is because i did throw up on that day that i HAVE to get better… if i cant… ill never forgive myself… it all started out as something to do… no idk… i used to be in a very controlling relationship with one of my ex girlfriends… and i was overly controlling… anyways… after we broke up… that sense of lost control… it was maddening… i have since learned from my fucked up past to never treat a girl like that again… i fucked up with my current girlfriend by not telling her i had sexual relations with my ex… what a fuck up i am… anyways… after the break up w/ my ex… at that time… i was heavily over fucking weight… im crying as of now… but… i honestly dont know how much i fucking weighed at the time… i think ive lied so much about why i started i cant come up with an honest answer as to the actual weight… but to speed it up to now… IM SICK OF FUCKING UP! my fucking relationship with my girlfriend, Arnika… god… even after a year… all i want is to make her happy… i need to get a fucking hold on my life… fuck… i dont want to lose her… please help me… DAY 1
