I'm doing 18 things
In the past few weeks I’ve learned the following things:
1. Understand that this will take time and effort, but it IS possible for me to become genuinely happy again. The biggest mistake I’ve been doing until now was that I was WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO HAPPEN, but nothing happens on its own except natural disasters. It is YOU who makes things happen.
2. Appreciate little things in life, like delicious meal, nice weather, good book etc.
3. There’s a difference between loneliness and being alone. I used to have a mindset that prevented me from enjoying things on my own, even things I used to enjoy greatly, like painting. I succeeded to convince myself that I won’t be happy as long as I will be alone. It’s incredibly debilitating, and made me lose interest in writing, drawing, photography, basically everything I used to enjoy. Now I’m able to go out for a meal alone, I go jogging at least once a week, I picked up reading again, and stopped worrying about ‘what if’s’. I believe now that I don’t need to forsake my true self and try to be a more regular person in order to find friends who will accept me for what I am (or am not).
4. I do have friends who care. (no matter what my sick mind wants to tell me.)
I also keep a semi-regular stream-of-consciousness diary where I usually write things that bother me, even things that I would never admit to anyone. It really does help to relieve my anxieties and fears and put my mind at ease. It feels like a proper detox – once I’ve written all those negative, embarrassing thoughts down they stop bothering me, I simply accept them as a fact and move on. I started writing it a month ago, with a daily entry, but I already start forgetting to write daily simply because there’s nothing to write about when I feel content with myself. Eventually I will stop and that will mean that I’m back to normal. :)
Wishing all the best to everyone!
