fancyvballer3

I leave in 32 days. I will be weighing in and hopfully shipping off. I have 32 days to lose 15 pounds. I lost ten in five days. I can do this easy. I run everyday, eat three meals a day, drinking lots of tea, and doing my homework. I go home in nine days. I am so ready to get out of here. I wish I could just take all of my finals right now. and go home. And start waking up early and running. I am going to be running for two hours everyday. a hundred push ups and two hundred sit ups. plus riding my horses, wheelines, farm work, and o-mok-sees. At the end of these twenty days I am going to be in a world of hurt and scared out of my life. Part of me hopes I fuck up and cannot go. i would get a job and hang out with Brittany all summer long. I was starting to wonder if Brittany would like to go running with me. I think that 4:30 would be a little early for her, but it never hurts to ask. I know that if I had her with me I would go that much farther. I love Brittany and if I had known that Brittany was going to be leaving then I would not have shaken on leaving in May. But I did. Oh nine days until my birthday. I will be 20.

I have just started do crazy pushups and situps. I run whenever I can find the time. I do not have down time is anymore. I am freaking out, though. I am going to have to make weight and since I gotten into the army I gained ten pounds. I faked the weight lose, to make weight the first time. I did a wrestlers workout. Really all I eat was celery. I did not drink water, and I ran in grabage bags and sweats. I lost twelve pounds in a week. If I have to I can do it again. Only if I have to. but that means I have to lose the ten pounds first. I have no idea how I am going to do it. school is almost over. four weeks until finals. that means I do not have that long until spring formal and I am tired. Two months until I leave for basic training. I have to lose eightteen pounds. I can do it.

after taking a year off. I find it hard to come back in great shape. I would have been okay if only I had taken this situation more seriously. I am half sick. Tired in the extreme. Sprint tests and arms were on Tuesday and today we are going to have distance running tests and squats. I am so sore and stuffed up. My nose is so plugged up my eyes water from time to time. I am not happy, but depressed to the point of tears every thirty minutes. I am scared. I do not like feeling out of control. I have none, zero control over the events in my life. I wonder if other people feel out of control in the same way as I am right now. A fact of simple stupidity has lead me to think I am alone in my feelings. Selfishness is to blame for my thinking no one else in the world has greater problems than I do. Coach is not happy bout grade reports. I am failing one class. I have talked to the teacher and we are going to have a meeting. She allowed me to redo my test. I should not be sitting here. I have a lot to do. I need to go a workout. I will get my muscles lose for later tonight. I need to do well on this running. I really do. coach excepts a lot from me. I have to lose some weight I am the heaviest girl on the team. what do you expect since I was knocked up, not that long ago. I am just depressed. I will work through the feelings I am having. I can be good. I am getting better. I had not played for so long I almost forgot how to play. Since I have gotten back I have gotten better, but I still have a long ways to go. I am hungry, but I will not allow myself to eat. The only thing around me is candy and I am tired of killing my teeth. Time for me to grow up and take some responsablity. One of my biggest fears is my mom is going to get sick again. Mom is going to need my help. Whenever she needs my help I am going to be at home for her. All she has to do is all me and I will be down in Helena in less than two hours.