fearlessliving

I was mowing my lawn and thinking about how beautiful and big my yard is and how it would be nice to have friends over for a bonfire or bbq, but I really have lost touch with every one. I started thinking that there has to be other woman who feel like I do, disconnected, needing a friend and how it would be so cool to start a group for females all ages, backgrounds, etc. Just woman who are desiring to reconnect and find other woman to conversate with, to do things together, etc. I believe that we can all learn from each other as well as we can teach something to others and starting a group would really help me, but it is going out on a limb and what if nobody came?

It seems like I have 101 million ideas of what I can do business wise to run my own show and I believe I possess the talent to do any one of them, however I am stuck. I think I am stuck in fear, fear of failure, fear of not being taken seriously, fear of not having the knowledge on how to proceed to the next step or even just trying to figure out what the next step is!
It is very apparent to me that my days working for “the man” have come to an end. Twelve years in the car business can do that to anyone, especially when you are female, and most of the time I was the only female in the dealership in management. Being strong, aggressive, talented, creative and opinionated are personality traits that are highly sought after in my industry, but only if your gender is male. Being a female with those traits gets you nothing but labeled as a bitch…and I am far from that! This last year has been extremely hard career wise, I have lost three very good jobs (very good to most people), all in automotive management running and developing my own department, all paying $100k+, but I was not happy with anyone one of these positions- a few years back I would of been elated to have any one of them, but now things are so different.
I am 39 years old and I feel like for the last 12 years I have sold my mind, body and spirit to my job, and that is really sad. I look back and all’s I see is my struggles within a male dominated industry that at times is so ruthless and corrupt that I can’t believe I even spent more than a day in it. What I don’t see is me spending time with my children (now 20,19, and 17 or planting a garden, vacationing, nothing…nothing but work. YUCK!
I was let go of all 3 jobs mainly because of problems with being on time. I did an awesome job for all three, but it was such a struggle for me to be on their clock. I wanted to be home, I could of done most of my job from home, but they wouldn’t have it. I felt like I didn’t want to give one more minute of my time to them ,”the man”, I felt selfish of my time and scared, scared of another 12 years of just job memories, of just job struggles.
Currently I am at home researching what to do next. I want to start a business, but I have no clue how. Everyday that goes by I get a little more broke and a little more frustrated. I can say I have not lost hope and I am in awe of how much information is available to us at the touch of a button. I have a business idea that every time I think about it I get a large lump in my throat and my heart rate increase because I know this idea, if developed correctly could be extremely huge and this idea is also based on one of my lifes passions…perfect you say? I agree but I don’t know what to do next , I am afraid. Afraid of messing it up, afraid of talking about and having someone else take it from me, afraid of not taking any steps at all and I am afraid that being afraid is going to kill my idea all together.
I pray for the knowledge and the strength daily to know what to do next and when to do it. I hope that maybe some day soon I run across someone who might have the knowledge and the desire to mentor someone who’s got a great idea, a gang load of fear and no clue on what to do next.