fiveyearwinterkiss

while watching the secret garden. not that the movie was funny….

All my life I have been stepped on. As a child, being bullied in the lunch room, and now as a teenager, allowing people to take advantage of me, only because I didn’t want to be alone.
It has become such a routine that I have adapted to it and learned how to keep to myself.
Terrible, right? I feel like it’s eating me from the inside. That’s why I want to it stop. Stop my passive behavior before everything builds up inside and then erratically explodes.

No more, “Oh, it’s okay…”

NO, it’s NOT okay.

It took four rigorous years. And now, thanks to high school, I am okay with me. Instead of mulling on my weaknesses, I am going to nourish my good qualities. I think I can move on now. It’s a good feeling.

yeah, i finally registered…at a concert haha. i will be voting for the first time when i turn eighteen this october. i am now a bona fide citizen :D

i’ve been wanting doc martens since the eighth grade. five years later i realize i need to stop being a wuss and buy a pair.

soon!

yeah, i do this wayyyy too often. in fact, i think this is the root of my problem…

i got four wrong, and i didn’t study. most of the questions were on blood alcohol content. i don’t drink nor do i have friends who drink so what’s the point in knowing?

anyway, i doubt i’ll ever have to drive around new york city. too many aggressive drivers. besides, why should i drive when i can take the subway, which is right across the street from my house??!!

i’m just glad it’s over.

i would LOVE to join the peace corps….more than going to college, actually. all i really want to do is help the world as much as i can! is this possible for a seventeen year old?

hmm, i guess i’ll join after finishing college….

i decided to dye my hair pink during my last days as a freshman in high school. i was fourteen. needless to say, the moment my mother saw my hair she was literally on the floor laughing. it stayed for a day.

get my driver’s license i am driving up to the sonic in PA (it’s the closest one from where i live). i don’t care how ridiculous this is, but i just want to try their damn slushes!

best night of my life!

i woke up this morning and i still cant believe i got to see them live…

the fans were great too. funny thing is i saw a long lost cousin while waiting in line :)

msg 2ers: have a great great night!

well, i just finished high school…i recently enrolled in college for the fall and my major is childhood education. i hope to finish in three years so i can get my teacher certification and move on to graduate school. i’m interested in montessori teaching or teaching the deaf. although the future isn’t clear yet, i am excited. who knows what will happen…

also, are there any teachers in the new york city area? if so, how was your student teaching experience?

oh man, best month ever!

waitlisted…

i just realized they’re having an east coast tour! woohoo. too bad i dont know anyone who wants to come with me :(

come to new york, pleeeeease! i can’t afford going all the way to Tennessee.

left till I graduate. oh my god!

i fainted for the first time in my life last night. very scary. i had just come out of a hot bath, feeling very depressed over stupid things. my mom calls me to dinner, so i go and sit at the dining table. out of nowhere, i start to feel really nauseous and very weak. i run to my room and lay on the floor. i start crying because i am so weak that i can’t even pull my own weight. my mom comes running in and she wraps me around a blanket to make me sweat. my peripheral vision starts to die out and my mother’s voice becomes very faint. she opens the window above me and i take deep breaths. she asks me if i am okay, but i can’t even speak. after a few minutes of forcing myself to drink orange juice, i am conscious.

it felt like an out of body experience for me. i think i fainte because i didn’t eat anything for two days and i was also stressed with negative thoughts. i’ve learned my lesson. never again.

maybe i’ll apply for graduate school…

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