I'm doing 16 things
I pulled this from http://www.otmfan.com/html/brertar.htm.
I was raised on this story, gotta love the south… I was reminded of it this summer
when I visited Uncle Danny in North Carolina. :) This is the best version I could
find.. the one that sounded most like the one I remember, and man does Uncle Danny tell
it well, with his southern accent and quick talking and exaggerating… he’s a good story
teller.
One day Brer Fox thought of how Brer Rabbit had been cutting up his capers and bouncing
around until he’d come to believe that he was the boss of the whole gang. Brer Fox
thought of a way to lay some bait for that uppity Brer Rabbit.
He went to work and got some tar and mixed it with some turpentine. He fixed up a
contraption that he called a Tar-Baby. When he finished making her, he put a straw hat on
her head and sat the little thing in the middle of the road. Brer Fox, he lay off in the
bushes to see what would happen.
Well, he didn’t have to wait long either, ‘cause by and by Brer Rabbit came pacing down
the road-lippity-clippity, clippity-lippity-just as sassy as a jaybird. Brer Fox, he
lay low. Brer Rabbit came prancing along until he saw the Tar-Baby and then he sat back
on his hind legs like he was astonished. The Tar-Baby just sat there, she did, and Brer
Fox, he lay low.
“Good morning!” says Brer Rabbit, says he. “Nice weather we’re having this morning,” says
he.
Tar-Baby didn’t say a word, and Brer Fox, he lay low.
“How are you feeling this morning?” says Brer Rabbit, says he.
Brer Fox, he winked his eye real slow and lay low and the Tar-Baby didn’t say a thing.
“What is the matter with you then? Are you deaf?” says Brer Rabbit, says he. “Cause if
you are, I can holler louder,” says he.
The Tar-Baby stayed still and Brer Fox, he lay low.
“You’re stuck-up, that’s what’s wrong with you. You think you’re too good to talk to me,”
says Brer Rabbit, says he. “And I’m going to cure you, that’s what I’m going to do,” says
he.
Brer Fox started to chuckle in his stomach, he did, but Tar-Baby didn’t say a word.
“I’m going to teach you how to talk to respectable folks if it’s my last act,” says Brer
Rabbit, says he. “If you don’t take off that hat and say howdy, I’m going to bust you
wide open,” says he.
Tar-Baby stayed still and Brer Fox, he lay low.
Brer Rabbit kept on asking her why she wouldn’t talk and the Tar-Baby kept on saying
nothing until Brer Rabbit finally drew back his fist, he did, and blip—he hit the
Tar-Baby on the jaw. But his fist stuck and he couldn’t pull it loose. The tar held him.
But Tar-Baby, she stayed still, and Brer Fox, he lay low.
“If you don’t let me loose, I’m going to hit you again,” says Brer Rabbit, says he, and
with that he drew back his other fist and blap—he hit the Tar-Baby with the other hand
and that one stuck fast too.
Tar-Baby she stayed still, and Brer Fox, he lay low.
“Turn me loose, before I kick the natural stuffing out of you,” says Brer Rabbit, says
he, but the Tar-Baby just sat there.
She just held on and then Brer Rabbit jumped her with both his feet. Brer Fox, he lay
low. Then Brer Rabbit yelled out that if that Tar-Baby didn’t turn him loose, he was
going to butt her crank-sided. Then he butted her and his head got stuck.
Brer Fox walked out from behind the bushes and strolled over to Brer Rabbit, looking as
innocent as a mockingbird.
“Howdy, Brer Rabbit,” says Brer Fox, says he. “You look sort of stuck up this morning,”
says he. And he rolled on the ground and laughed and laughed until he couldn’t laugh
anymore.
By and by he said, “Well, I expect I got you this time, Brer Rabbit,” says he. “Maybe I
don’t, but I expect I do. You’ve been around here sassing after me a mighty long time,
but now it’s the end.
And then you’re always getting into something that’s none of your business,” says Brer
Fox, says he. “Who asked you to come and strike up a conversation with this Tar-Baby? And
who stuck you up the way you are? Nobody in the round world. You just jammed yourself
into that Tar-Baby without waiting for an invitation,” says Brer Fox, says he. “There you
are and there you’ll stay until I fix up a brushpile and fire it up, “cause I’m going to
barbecue you today, for sure,” says Brer Fox, says he.
Then Brer Rabbit started talking mighty humble.
“I don’t care what you do with me, Brer Fox, says he, “Just so you don’t fling me in that
briar patch. Roast me, Brer Fox, says he, “But don’t fling me in that briar patch.”
“It’s so much trouble to kindle a fire,” says Brer Fox, says he, “that I expect I’d
better hang you,” says he.
“Hang me just as high as you please, Brer Fox, says Brer Rabbit, says he, “but for the
Lord’s sake, don’t fling me in that briar patch,” says he.
“I don’t have any string, ” says Brer Fox, says he, “Now I expect I had better drown you,
” says he.
“Drown me just as deep as you please, Brer Fox,” says Brer Rabbit, says he, “But please
do not fling me in that briar patch, ” says he.
“There’s no water near here,” says Brer Fox, says he, “And now I reckon I’d better skin
you,” says he.
“Skin me Brer Fox,” says he. “Snatch out my eyeballs, tear out my ears by the roots,”
says he, “But please, Brer Fox, don’t fling me in that briar patch, ” says he.
Of course, Brer Fox wanted to get Brer Rabbit as bad as he could, so he caught him by the
behind legs and slung him right in the middle of the briar patch. There was a
considerable flutter when Brer Rabbit struck the bushes, and Brer Fox hung around to see
what was going to happen.
By and by he heard someone call his name and ‘way up on the hill he saw Brer Rabbit
sitting cross-legged on a chinquapin log combing the tar pitch out of his hair with a
chip. Then Brer Fox knew he had been tricked.
Brer Rabbit hollered out, “Born and bred in the briar patch. I was born and bred in the
briar patch!” And with that he skipped out just as lively as a cricket in the embers of a
fire.
