Hummingbird Medicine

is trying to get herself to meditate enough!!!



I'm doing 43 things
 

Hummingbird Medicine's Life List

  1. 1. Stop making excuses, lollygagging, and generally deceiving myself, and *SPEND THE MONTH I HAVE LEFT UNTIL MY RETREAT GEARING UP WITH 2 HOURS OF MEDITATION DAILY!* (pardon my shouting, I haven't been paying attention to myself lately)
    6 cheers
    1 person
  2. 2. get the cat going and don't stop playing with him until he gives me a look of exhausted bafflement and wanders off to go to sleep
    1 person
  3. 3. catch up the receipts and entries
    3 cheers
    1 person
  4. 4. figure out ground transportation and hostel accommodations in France
    2 entries . 1 cheer
    1 person
  5. 5. save another $155 for my travel to France before July 9, then check in with the related goal
    1 person
  6. 6. Do Unit 4 and Unit 5, Lesson 1 in my general French course, and finish Unit 2 Lesson 2 in my French vocabulary course, preferably by May 15
    1 person
  7. 7. know what im talking about
    1 entry
    4 people
  8. 8. plan the work and play...work at and play with the plan
    13 entries . 2 cheers
    1 person
  9. 9. get set to perform this weekend
    1 cheer
    1 person
  10. 10. actually DO my PT exercises, then check in with my "iron like a lion in Zion" goal
    2 entries . 7 cheers
    1 person
  11. 11. transfer my iTunes library, or at least the stuff I only have on iTunes, to the new computer then check in with the new computer goal
    2 cheers
    1 person
  12. 12. put away at least a few bucks to go to my favorite place on earth before June 14, then check in with the related goal about spending time there
    1 entry
    1 person
  13. 13. swim sometime in April, then check in with my "iron like a lion in Zion" goal
    1 person
  14. 14. Act like the musician I am
    21 entries . 6 cheers
    1 person
  15. 15. put away at least a few bucks toward a different car and then check in with the related goal
    1 person
  16. 16. use my wetsuit to swim in the ocean
    2 entries . 28 cheers
    1 person
  17. 17. ---general present projects---
    1 person
  18. 18. be a better Native American
    8 entries . 8 cheers
    1 person
  19. 19. Live by my own code
    21 entries . 37 cheers
    1 person
  20. 20. have calm, easy, balanced movement, especially on stage
    2 cheers
    1 person
  21. 21. spend no less than 288 hours at my favorite place on earth in 2013
    1 entry . 1 cheer
    1 person
  22. 22. get settled into this computer before the old one eats something important and never spits it out again
    3 cheers
    1 person
  23. 23. treat people like the adults they are supposed to be; respond and create consequences when they act like naughty children
    8 entries . 4 cheers
    1 person
  24. 24. cut myself some social slack: let myself NOT be there for someone
    2 entries . 5 cheers
    1 person
  25. 25. come up with some things I'd enjoy doing but am not committed to doing
    2 entries . 2 cheers
    1 person
  26. 26. Stop being sucked dry financially and temporally
    20 entries . 5 cheers
    2 people
  27. 27. get a car I can enjoy taking a good long trip in
    14 entries . 5 cheers
    1 person
  28. 28. Get out of any dependence on F and into a sweet financial ride of my own, lean back, and drive through the rest of my life with the wind in my hair
    10 entries . 1 cheer
    1 person
  29. 29. ---lowercase letters on the Outline of Life---
    1 person
  30. 30. Travel, collect, and create
    1 entry . 5 cheers
    1 person
  31. 31. make travel arrangements to get to France
    1 entry . 1 cheer
    1 person
  32. 32. save up enough money to get to France
    5 entries . 2 cheers
    1 person
  33. 33. learn french
    4 entries . 5 cheers
    12,761 people
  34. 34. ---numbers on the Outline of Life---
    1 person
  35. 35. go to France
    5 entries . 12 cheers
    862 people
  36. 36. pay off my credit card debt
    1 entry
    643 people
  37. 37. ---capital letters on the Outline of Life---
    1 person
  38. 38. make a bucket list and cross off at least one item annually
    3 entries . 4 cheers
    1 person
  39. 39. get better psychologically
    12 entries . 6 cheers
    2 people
  40. 40. get real about Vipassana meditation
    49 entries . 6 cheers
    1 person
  41. 41. be iron like a lion in Zion :)
    11 entries . 6 cheers
    1 person
  42. 42. make money hand over fist, doing work I enjoy, contributing to others' lives, providing beautifully for myself, all the animals I want, and all the houseguests I can enjoy, until I wake up totally debt-free
    55 entries . 16 cheers
    1 person
  43. 43. return to the goals I've "given up" on (put on the back burner)
    1 entry . 2 cheers
    1 person

How I did it
How to get my email list together
It took me
1 day
It made me
massively frustrated


How to be happy
It took me
11 years
It made me
happy (duh)!


How to give my cat a special treat every day for a month
It took me
30 days
It made me
loving and loved


See all "How I Did It" stories...

Recent entries
treat people like the adults they are supposed to be; respond and create consequences when they act like naughty children (read all 8 entries…)
D did it again. Yeah, again.

He said something about being depressed and then told me he suddenly realized “this country is broken.”

I could’ve said a lot in agreement but instead I just waited, knowing full well that where politics are concerned, we tend to think a lot of the same things but for completely different reasons, and with completely different solutions in mind (if any). He went into a speech about how the government tramples all over people and businesses who seem to stand a chance of really getting ahead, while leaving people who have very little alone. I told him I was mostly in agreement except for the part about leaving people who have little alone. He said that with regard to the latter the government doesn’t interfere nearly as much as it could. I disagreed. I told him, unless anybody caught buying groceries were instantly subject to imprisonment without trial, I don’t know how much more they could do. That’s when things got ugly.

“Ok, for one, I’m talking about people who live on welfare and disability, not people who work for a living. And second, I really didn’t make this point to start an argument”

“okay, I see what you mean about being depressed because I don’t know what else would cause you to think I of all people was trying to have an argument with you. Really you know me a bit better than that, or at least I’d hope so.”

“True. It’s just that sometimes, you feel the need to show me how bad off you have it, and you don’t need to. I understand fully.”

Well, there was a good sock to the stomach. Thanks a lot, best friend. So he has somehow decided not only that I feel a need to show him how bad off I have it, but that he already completely understands my situation. Wrong on both counts, friend, considering that I actually try rather hard not to talk to anyone about my finances one way or the other most of the time, and also given some of his remarks and questions over the years, he has absolutely no idea how bad I’ve got it (which is actually how I prefer it; I have a human need for empathy but I really have no desire to be pitied). He was also wrong on the unspoken count that I am only thinking about myself in the course of this discussion (if you even want to dignify what this has almost instantly become by calling it a discussion). Well, time to put things into perspective.

“How do you know that’s what I’m trying to do? I’m not the only person struggling out there. And actually, if the truth is to be told I think it applies as much or more to people on disability, etc., than it does to someone in my situation.”

“really? How so?”

I started calling up examples of the many, many people I have known over the years who were in positions of unquestionable need and hardly enough money coming in to meet their needs, but whom the government would not and will not leave alone. Having nothing is no protection, and that’s why I’m more concerned with people who have trouble catching up than with people who have trouble getting ahead. The system isn’t broken for big time players in the economy or for entrepreneurs who innovate and get the cash to show for it; it’s broken for everybody, but for some of us it threatens our survival rather than our next multi-million dollar business deal. He had to admit he really had no idea how much grief the government gives people who have next to nothing; he had to admit that having nothing isn’t as effective at protecting one from the government’s interference as he thought.

He either couldn’t admit that he might have assumed too much about where I was coming from, or just plain hadn’t put two and two together yet on that one. I don’t know if you can really ask for an apology anyway when the problem is that someone thinks you’re prone to involving them in pity-parties (even though you’re not) and too selfish to participate in a discussion about politics competently (even though you’re not). Maybe all I can do is hope that standing up to his accusations took a step toward changing his mistaken ideas about me. Sit around hoping and hurting. A familiar situation for me.

I guess this all teaches me a few things about this relationship:

1) I can in fact prove an opposing point if I’m equipped with enough information.
2) When I prove him wrong about me he might or might not admit it directly.
3) What little talk I ever did about my financial headaches I must now keep to myself. I was a fool to think it was acceptable to admit aloud that I am anything less than certain that all will be fine and dandy for me financially no matter what happens. A best friendship cannot withstand that unscathed…though, oddly enough, I listen to him talk about being short on money almost daily, and it never bothered me or affected anything between us. I’m not sure why the same rules don’t apply to both of us but they clearly don’t. He can talk about money problems and I can’t.
4) We are making absolutely no progress on the subject of how to handle political topics. He knows I hate politics, I know he thinks I’m an idiot when it comes to politics, and he knows that I have come to hate politics even more since I realized what an idiot he thinks I am with regard to politics. Don’t even get me started on the subject of debating. So I have absolutely no idea what to do about that one.



treat people like the adults they are supposed to be; respond and create consequences when they act like naughty children (read all 8 entries…)
D was in a mean mood last night

He said something really inappropriate and creepy just to be mean, so for once I responded without trying to make any big effort to do anything other than demonstrate that I was upset. We were on a
Skype video call so we could see each other as well as hear each other.

“Thanks,” I said in response to his little quip. Apparently that didn’t quite drive home the point.

“Yeah, thanks a lot.” That one came out with the heat of a raw habanero but apparently he was still having a good time being mean.

I just shook my head and said, “why do I bother talking about anything with anyone? Why do I even bother when this is the kind of response I get?” And with that I got up and walked away. I didn’t even bother hanging up the Skype call.

I came back a few minutes later and he was still there, slaving away over his stupid computer game. (For what it’s worth, my computer games are also stupid – I know and accept that.) I said, “okay, I went and occupied myself for a while, and I think now I can continue this conversation without ripping your face off. What do you think?”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Sometimes I just get into a mood and I can be a mean-hearted @$$#(x%x.”

“Yeah, and some days I can be really hormonal, and those are exceptionally risky days for you to get mean.”

“Hoo boy. I didn’t think of that.”

“But you see I knew I was feeling hormonal, which was why I walked away to cool off until I could avoid taking it out on you, even though you’d been mean to me. I try not to let my moods hurt anybody else when I can help it.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t talk to you like that.”

“Yeah, thanks, I’d rather that you didn’t.”



save up enough money to get to France (read all 5 entries…)
updated yet again

I’ve got:

A plane ticket (which I got with frequent flyer miles plus a mighty hefty fee)

I will need:

Money to board my cat (about $130 since I’m going to be away slightly longer than I initially planned)

Shuttle fare to and from the airport from my house (probably about $200 round trip)

Ground transportation fare between the airport and the monastery (I’m not sure what this would be; I’m guessing I’d need both a train and a taxi – let’s say another $200 just to be safe.)

Money for a donation to the monastery – suggested donation for someone my age from America is somewhere between $150 and $250. I asked them if it’s possible to pay them in advance and they said not to bother since I won’t be paying more than 150 Euros, so I guess I’ll plan to contribute on the lower end of the spectrum. Pretty good when you don’t have to pay much more to board yourself than you do to board your cat. Anyway, $175ish for that.

Money for a hostel for four nights, which shouldn’t come to more than $120.

Then there’s food when I’m at the hostels. Every page I try to bring up online about the cost of food in France ties itself up and never gets anywhere. Well, food in California is about as expensive as it gets (I think) and here if I were going to eat out three times a day, even on the cheap, I’d budget $30 a day. $120 in food money.

So now we’re looking at about $950, which changes the budgeting/savings issue – moves the demand upward, of course. Sigh Well I presently have $485 socked away, and I have 3 “pay-months” to save up the other $465. So I need to save up $155 a month now.



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