flickerfish

i’ve been neglecting 43things/myself quite a bit lately, so i thought i’d post new goals and try to get started on bettering myself again.

right now i’m struggling with my annual depresssion (bipolar in da house!!!), so it’s a little harder than usual to get momentum going, but i have faith that i’ll push through this… or well, i have faith right now in this second – i’ll admit that this disorder makes me forget sometimes that things always get better, or, at least, that on some level things always change. so my first goal, i suppose is to remember.

and my second to work towards regaining and bettering my memory in any way possible. decreasing stress, fighting depression, working out, getting enough sleep, eating lots of blueberries (hey, anything if it helps)...

3. regain positivity
4. apply for jobs asap!!! (on-campus jobs – check student website)
5. be humble
6. figure out comm serv commitments. (email M again with further deets)
7. figure out possible courses before tuesday
8. meet with dept chairs about possible courses of study – meet with advisor – present yourself and ask for advice and suggestions – do not be too proud to ask for help. meet with dl asap first to get your feet on the ground?
9. work your ass off and turn in all your work
10. write up fellowship report asap (in the next few days) or risk losing $$!!!!!!!!!!! remember to send grades in when they come in. email peeps to ask if they have their grades yet?
11. have more faith, in yourself, in other people. trust more, love more.
12. return to your spirituality, whatever that means to you
13. work out regularly (i ran two miles yesterday!!). start yoga? meditate more? eat more healthily? a body that feels good is a mind that feels good!
14. make an effort to be sociable and to “do things,” even when you just want to put your pillow over your head and pretend to be asleep
15. figure out how you want to decorate your dorm room for the year. talk to v and i tomorrow – color scheme? desk arrangement? futon? wall decor?
15. find a way to regain my arabic and upkeep my chinese, despite almost certainly not being able to take courses in those languages this term due to scheduling (try to audit a chinese lit class?) – maybe work on brushing up my hieroglyphs too, just for fun, even though it’s no longer relevant to my major?
16. be less afraid; open my heart
17. and of course, as always, my mantra: “do the best you can in the time you have available,” in all areas of life.

attached image: from postsecret.

My main goal and resolution for this year is, as always, simply to try to do the best I can within the time I have available.

In the academic arena:
I hope to turn in all my homework done to the best of my abilities. This past term, I turned in some work late. That was stupid and self-sabotaging. I also scraped by doing the bare minimum for a lot of my classes. I ended up with great grades, but in order to truly benefit from this education I’m getting, I need to be more motivated to learn even when I know I’ll be able to get an A on less.

In the social arena:
I’m going to work on being a little softer around the edges and less inclined to snap or viciously mock. I also need to work on flirting platonically rather than, um, jumping everyone at a moment’s impulse. My romantic/sexual decisions this last term interfered with my studies and occasionally my reputation, and I don’t need a repeat of that in the spring.

In the personal upkeep arena:
I want to have clear skin again! Unholy amounts of stress and sleep deprivation over the last few months have made concealer a constant standby for me. I’d like to be able to skip concealer and look great again. I plan to drink a lot more water and get a lot more sleep, preferably without the aid of sleeping pills. Unrelated: I want to take all my meds so I don’t go crazy and make bad decisions.

In the intellectual upkeep arena:
In addition to keeping up with my schoolwork, I plan to get a leg up in my field(s) of choice by making time to read more on my own. Subject matter doesn’t have to be related to my major, of course, but since I love my major, there’ll probably be some overlap which will be nice. I also need to work on maintaining, retaining, and even improving my grasp on the three languages that I do not have time to take as courses: Arabic (MSA and dialect), Ancient Greek, and French (which I am just starting). I won’t detail my study plans here but I hope to get some work done weekly.

If I have time, I’d also like to get a job, but we’ll see if I have time after all this! I just love the course offerings at my university so much that I always take too many classes and barely have time for my volunteer work, let alone the job I really should get!!

I’m 19.

Here’s a list of 19 things I want to do this year before I turn 20. Well… really these should be more like action items, but I’m too lazy to think of 19 action items, so it’s more like goals and plans mixed.

1. Turn in all my work (on time or with extension). It doesn’t matter how shitty it is… I just want to at least turn it all in.

2. Host a tea party or picnic for my friends and cool strangers.

3. Write a piece of journalistic non-academic non-fiction just for my own pleasure. Alternately, do the piece as a radio segment (a la NPR) or as a mini-documentary (with accompanying music).

4. Have some awesome sex.

5. Cure my disease once and for all, or at least beat it into remission.

6. Get into the habit of monthly (or, well, fairly consistent) diary entries and comic journals. A lot of awesome and hilarious stuff happens to you and you are a good storyteller – don’t waste that material!

7. Stand straight. Give and love. Know that you are effervescent.

8. Interview all the cool people you know.

9. Be less awkward around the sexually magnetic.

10. Take at least one of my professors out to lunch (uhh… with some classmates).

11. Write some awkward spoken word poetry. Then write some awesome short stories. Something, anything to get the blood flowing again.

12. Get awesome candid pictures taken of me. Befriend people who are good with cameras.

13. Try some new foods I’ve never had before.

14. Improve by bounds in the languages that I am studying. Keep abreast!

15. Get a cool job.