Angry Butterfly

was over, lol. no I am not the clean freak OCD.but I have my highs. today I realized I am still up there. not in my right mind. IDK new meds ? same meds? this whole week has been a risk taking thing. clue#1 drinking and shouldn’t yea yea its not that bad, but for me I know the down depressing triggers, usually that is one, won’t go into full disclosure, but I know I am heading my way to another manic turn. left or right? IDK. that’s the problem Im used to the depression side of this, the happy moods I think I have aren’t really me. thats what I have noticed this week. went to therapy today that was a waste of time. the Doc is outta town so know help there.

can’t sleep clue #2. when I do, finally fall asleep it’s not that much, even with the sleeping shit they got me on. up that lol no. I have to get the kids up in the morning to go to school. they were late 2x this week bc I couldn’t wake outta the medicated stupor I was in. clue #3. not eating. normally I eat once or twice a day, but don’t even think of food, not just to feed me but forget to feed them. clue#4 forgetful, seriously cannot remember half the shit that I say or that went on this week. I have a planner and if I don’t write it down then, or once a week put my appts in my phone than I am all fucked up forget to pick y kid of from school yea that was a clue too. feel like the shitty mom who left her kid at the store. when I got the phone call to pick my kid up. we laughed but still.
made it up to her. did arts and crafts. need more t-shirts to draw and design now.
which reminds me gotta go get her now. til I write again.

so we well start this one over 4 years later…..........and see if we can come up with some of the same 43things I like about ME= no wind you this is a hard time to think postitive for me, of mysef. mania may help with some things.

no order
1)my smile, the smirks the snickers, the flirts I like to laugh, tho the laugh lines will ill me when I get older.

2)my eyes, see the world and tell the stories of my life, if you look close enough.

3)my tattoos, they all have a meaning behind them. the profile pic is my first tatt. went bt myslef to get it too. scared and all. that one was for making the honor roll! lmfao now it seems such a small factor in life, then it wasn’t.

4)my sense of humor, I can make ppl laugh when they’re down, witty, perverted at times, even offensive…over all funny to be around.

5)my way with words, sometimes here it doesn’t show, but I can write well. education purposes, personally, professionally too.
I want to write more, like emotions to paper you know. get things out to vent.

6) I’d like to think I am a good listener. ppl speak I tend to give them their turn unless I am really maniac than I interrupt. but in general I like hearing what others have to say. their stories, life happenings.

7)I would say supportive, but to me right now that sounds like the enabler. that’s not a good quality I have. So let’s flip it to a positive..Peoples goals I support. their wants in life that they make happen on their own not just sit and wait to happen.

8)I’m more of the the simple clothes kinda girl, not high maintenance, t-shirt & jeans girls. Although, I do dress not to impress but, put on a good show. :)

9)Being the oldest I’d have to say a great sister. these 2 siblings have it pretty good. :) an aunt/babysitter. a bank taxi etc. we all have our own separate lives, but we still can get along now, as adults.

10) Movies, I am pretty agreeable when it comes time to watch something whether on TV or at the show. I like different types.

That’s your ten for the day. can’t think of anything else right now.

started working out at a gym.
joined a meeting/group. seems so far to help. changed my meds, again. not helping yet, still mania. is everything in my life a good mood a mania?
I hope not bc there are good things that happen. and I think its ok.