fondfantom

So far I am on track. Barely though. Money sucks.

I have not been practicing as much as I should. Stupid depression took over a fair amount of October and I have only recently gotten back into the swing of things. I can adequately play 8 of the bass notes now in conjunction with the keyboard. This pleases me. I am going to North Carolina over Christmas to visit my mom and my goal is to be able to play a decent amount of Christmas songs before that time so I can play them in the middle of the woods on her mountain. I need to kick into gear.

So I decided to make a new list this year and put it in the family journal. I was pleasantly surprised to read back through last years list and recognize how many things on it are not really true anymore, or at the very least, no longer things that I would say define me. I definitely plan to do this once a year.
1.) I rub my foot on the sheets and moan when I can’t fall asleep.
2.) When I am really stressed out I read mindless books.
3.) When thinking about something that I feel does not have a solution I always end up listening to music from my childhood.
4.) Sometimes going to concerts makes me cry because it seems like the people singing must be able to feel their soul and I wish it were me.
5.) I make lists constantly. Crossing things off never gets old.
6.) I am really good at word games.
7.) My favorite thing in the world is beautiful word combinations.
8.) My greatest fear is of falling.
9.) I have more vivid dreams than anyone I know.
10.) I really like to tell people about my dreams.
11.) My favorite mixed drink is a mint julep.
12.) I feel that I am a good listener.
13.) When I am having a really bad day I like to say overwhelmingly cheery things like, “God, I am so awesome. I bet everyone wishes they were as as me!” out loud to other people. If they, too, are having a bad day I include them in the awesome.
14.) I really do believe that there is nothing in the world that makes you feel better than a really good from deep inside laugh.
15.) When I drink, I drink to get drunk.
16.) I can’t drink without vomiting.
17.) I get really anxious in large groups of people. Especially if I do not know those people.
18.) Sometimes, I really do know what I am talking about.
19.) The only way that I am comfortable talking to someone is if I feel that I understand who they are. I am willing to do the work if they are willing to let me.
20.) I both appreciate and abhor how not part of the rest of the world my family and I are.
21.) I fantasize constantly. About everything. In every instant I am both there and creating a new instant built of the same things only different in my head.
22.) In the mornings by myself I have all of the answers to all of life’s questions. By afternoon they are gone.
23.) I really like the beauty mark on the left side of my neck. It makes me feel feminine.
24.) I sneeze when I am hungry.
25.) My mood changes like the ocean.
26.) If I start a movie I have to see the whole thing. Even if it sucks.
27.) I do not like surprises.
28.) If I could I would never wear any more clothing than a comfy tank/t-shirt and my boy short underwear.
29.) I don’t like spending large sums of money on myself.
30.) Sometimes I really like crying.
31.) Lays Plain potato chips are the only comfort food I ever need
32.) I like outrageous outbursts.
33.) Coffee is my favorite drink.
34.) I try very very hard to be a good person. I feel I fail at this often and agonize over it.
35.) I get really grossed out if someone’s long hair touches me at all. It makes me worry about growing my own hair out.
36.) Most of my nightmares have to do with either parking garages, houses, and falling (especially driving off and falling while in a parking garage)
37.) I really like stones, especially flat and smooth ones. When I find one I would always take it home. I have only recently begun to use them for anything constructive.
38.) I feel lightweight and zen when I work on my suitcases. My breathing regulates as if I am meditating.
39.) Sometimes I think that I am magic.
40.) Sometimes I worry that I am not magic.
41.) Every single night when I am falling asleep I get excited about the coffee that I get to drink when I wake up. Every single night.
42.) I enjoy getting older, and marvel at the changes that take place every year in me.
43.) Every fall I start to think I won’t survive through winter.
44.) I am most comfortable when I am wearing all black.
45.) I rub my nose when I am daydreaming.
46.) I really love my scars, they make me feel unique.
47.) I like having tight things on my wrists.
48.) I enjoy nothing more than making something, anything, with my hands.
49.) Dusk is my favorite time of the day.
50.) I am absolutely a Capricorn.
51.) I am ridiculously good at Tetris 2. I am even better at it when I am drunk.
52.) I can make conversation with anybody, most of the time, however, I choose not to.
53.) I always end up reading existentialist writers when it gets cold.
54.) I love listening to Sigur Ros when it is snowing. It feels magical.
55.) When I am nervous I tend to ramble and say completely inappropriate things.
56.) It doesn’t take a lot to make me really upset. Or really happy for that matter.
57.) I over-analyze everything.
58.) My favorite purchase I have ever made is my ipod.
59.) Marley and Me made me cry like a bitch.
60.) I like the idea of things more than the reality of them.
61.) I am a planner.
62.) I really love sitting outside and watching thunderstorms.
63.) I chew on my animals ears sometimes.
64.) I have no problem with people knowing embarrassing things about me. If anything, I prefer them to know.
65.) I cannot imitate accents. At all.
66.) After a lot of thought, I realize that I would not change anything about my face. This is a good thing.
67.) I think that I am prettier without makeup.
68.) I do not like being the center of attention.
69.) I give good hugs. I enjoy giving them away.
70.) I love singing Disney songs.
71.) I hate the feeling of rejection more than any other feeling.
72.) I love discovering new things. I get really excited when suddenly I can name something that I couldn’t before.
73.) I am obsessed with wikipedia.
74.) I cannot really hear music unless it is very loud.
75.) I love the smell of cold air.
76.) I always sing when I am in the car.
77.) I never leave my house without my keys, my cell phone, and my transit card.
78.) I am obsessive about emergency contacts. Both for myself, and other people.
79.) As much as I was tortured about it as a child, I am not afraid of the end of the world. In fact, it makes me excited.
80.) I do not like pictures of me smiling.
81.) I moan when I am restless or bored (in addition to not being able to sleep)
82.) When I do not know what to do with myself I take baths.
83.) Sometimes, when I am feeling particularly crazy, I can smell the ocean so vividly that it makes me think that I am the sea.
84.) When I was little I used to see a lady dressed in black every night in the shadows down the street from my house. I would go outside to check every night if she was there. Now I think I have become that woman.
85.) Sometimes I worry that I am cursed.
86.) I prefer driving over flying.
87.) I get really excited when I notice a change in myself.
88.) I like getting shots.
89.) Most of the time I do not understand why we exist.
90.) I really, really like my immediate family members. I almost feel embarrassed about that. I think that we are all quite unique. I always wish that I could connect with them more often than I do.
91.) Oxyclean and all Billy Mayes products blow my mind. I cannot watch one of the commercials without exclamations of glee.
92.) I am really good at my job.
93.) I like making up fake lyrics to songs I know.
94.) I can get ready quicker than most men. I am proud of this.
95.) When I don’t hear from someone when I expect to I always, without fail, think horrible things have happened to them.
96.) I hate listening to voicemails. It makes me feel sick to my stomach when I see that I have one on my phone.
97.) I love sleeping.
98.) Beautiful sunsets make me cry.
99.) I get angry very quickly at stupid things while things that should make me angry rarely do.
100.) I like when people say my name.

100 Things About Me – 2009