Alexa

I can’t remember where I gleaned this from…either Tuesdays with Morrie or talking to Joe. Probably the former. But to do this is a difficult task. It’s a constant exercise because I’ve been basing my life on intuition…how one thing will develop. I’ll bet my life on inane details. I haven’t liked that.

I want to work out more and dance classes have opened up so lucky me. And I want to get some swimming in as well—something with consistency. I’ll find it out.

So this coincides with the “to live instead of exist” bits. When single, I am happy being alone…for the most part. I do what I want, when I want, and when single, I can maintain that. It’s difficult not to. It’s like making a plan of celibacy when you’re single—fine. Fine, fine. When I get into relationships, though, I feel myself wanting to spend more time with that person, wanting to devote more to them than to myself. I saw glimpses of this happening a few days ago, and it scared me. I don’t want to be that person again. It’s a conscious choice.

So lately, it’s been about breaking a habit with this online dating biz. Getting rid of the excess attention. I like this one guy, and to be honest, I’m tired of feeding into the online dating schematic-if something happens, it happens, if not, I’ve been alone, and I’m happy with myself. Happier than I ever have been. I just have to develop more fully those things that I’m interested in-else I’ll get sucked up.

Ugh.. setback. Less hours at work, and been eating out often. Like, really often. I’ll learn how to cook and make big batches of things so I can just heat them up when I’m feeling lazy (which, after work or school, is often).

The good thing is that I’ve taken to making rice in large doses and then eating that. :P Could stand to lose some weight, I suppose. And there are worse cases out there than mine. I have a little in savings, but it seems I’m not cracking at that credit card yet. Least I’ve paid my roommate off so that’s a load off my mind. I still owe him a bit of money for a camera, though. :( Well, I’ll figure it out. One thing at a time. I’ll learn how to cook, use less light in the apartment and try and use the computer sparingly—which will be amusing at best. Come summer, though, there should be more hours at work.

...though a second job would make things a bit busier. I just read this book about worrying about money less, spending less and what not. I’ve already cleared out a lot in my room because the cluttered-ness has been affecting my mind. I think with a little bit more tightness, this can be accomplished. Just gotta stay in it, I guess.