I'm doing 24 things
I’ve come to terms. There are things I’m writing about now that just feels…healing. And not just bitching and moaning. ...I’ve had dreams lately, but I don’t wake up with the pain I would’ve had awhile ago. Not sleeping with him certainly helps that. Christ, have had enough of that.
Yeah, it’d be cool to be with someone, but that’s just it: it’s someone. Not a certain person in mind. It’d be good to have company period, but I like the alone time I’ve had. Where before I would’ve bemoaned it, I love it, sometimes prefer it. I can sing in the car or have quiet time and I’ve found people who actually care about me, who listen to what I have to say. And I don’t have to be prodded anymore. I TALK to people now. I don’t depend on a guy to make a fucking decision. I can go up and ask for things now. I’m not a fucking hesitant wallflower anymore.
...and I think I’ve just scraped the bowl on all things relating to my ex. I’m young. Everybody has somebody sometimes. And although it would be nice to have someone, I wouldn’t want to make it all about that person all over again—boy or girl. Friend or lover. I understand now that I’ve always needed ME time. Time to be with other people, time to recharge on my own. And I’m actually doing things I like now, as opposed to sitting in a car, being bored.
Of course, I could be doing more. I’d still love to have a dance class. Or a muay thai class. That looks kickass.
Anyhow, I think this goal is as accomplished as it’s going to be. I have feelings for this man, I think the chemistry will always be there and I’ve accepted that. He has it with plenty of others and that’s just the way things are. The thing is, though, as much as I could be comparing my progress to his (and I admit, I have been to keep myself above surface), I know I’m going to do well. I have plans. I have goals. And right now, I don’t think he has any of that. shrugs But really, it doesn’t matter about him.
It’s about me. It’s about time. ^^
