fragileheart68

oh man after like what? 2 months and all the things that i wanted to fulfill doesnt come true at all!! i guess it is me that did not put in the effort to get what i want. usually, i care just damn big fuck about how people think of me. and yea i know, we dont live for others and we could not please every single one of them. FUCK! my life is in a total mess now. nothing is going right. my features, complexion, money, studies. god, i am the one who make my life goes this way. and yet what i only does is to complain and complain. nothing is going to change if i keep on complaining like this. firstly, i have a have that damn clean and nice smelling attire. then i have to be gentle and all. i know this sound really stupid. but seriously i hate what i going in my life now. i can this low self esteem and often i will tend to be jealous and what more? i suck in personality wise and of course appearance. i am always constantly reminding myself i have to be pretty but yet i am so not an angel inside. i care a lot of my image. sometimes, i wonder why am i not bored a nerd? i rather be a nerd. i hate this kind of like i am having now and i am really sick and tired of everything that is repeating itself whenever i go to school. i just want to rock the school with my friends. i always wanted to be treated specially and yet i never treat people the way i wanted to be treated. yes i suck, i am a bitch. i want to stop this bitching attitude, but this is just me. seriously! i could not stand my life anymore and i want to make a big change to it. that is to build this super clique that can rock the school.
i know i am just too pathetic to even to be noticed. but i just want to be popular with my friends. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
i fucking hell want to rock this school upside down since this is my last year in this school. i don’t want to leave this school with regrets. i only want caring friends who are willing to sacrifice things for friendship and stuff. if someone could start this first i am damn more then willing to do anything which will bring our reputation up and of course not to forget our studies. we can achieve our goals and dreams together. it is so great.
i tmmor i am really going to make a change in my life. i have to constantly remind myself that i really do not want to live more life like that anymore cause it suck. it suck to be the “LO”. every moments in this school is just yet another chance to fulfill my wish. as long you have the faith and attitude to carry on, you will succeed. i must succeed because i am just really sickeningly sick of my present life.

/edit: what now? previously, i mention that i wanted to treasure every seconds of my life. but now i am here complaining again. i guess people would not treasure you unless you treasure them first. but seriously what is my life going on? i thought i would be able to do it, but each time i tell myself i should not act this way, but i just could not follow what my brain says. now, i kept on saying that i would treat her better but see? everyday is the same routine. i just want to be you know well-loved. but being well-loved, you must love people in return and in fact start it first. but what is the problem with me huh? i am seriously hating myself more and more each day. why can’t i just be oh so kind hearted and just be like a wonderful nerd? man i rather i be a nerd than to end uo in this state. at least i would not be hurt, would not be frustrated over stuff which completely have no concern over studies. indeed, now how am i going to help myself to be a better person? firstly, i just have to be a great good friend.

every one has feelings no?
okay from now on,
i am going to treat those ” unpopular ” people better. they have feelings just like those popular kids.

don’t feel like typing ay :)
ciaos

in the past i always think that friends are there just for company and for “show”. i never treat them like how i would pamper myself and yet i always expect them to do things for me. what a friend i was.

just recently i realize actually friends actually is a great part of your life. they shared the experience with you regardless happy or sad. they are with you in your happy moments and of course accompany you trough all the lonely moments. they gives joys to our life. so from now i a determine to make all my friends happy and contented just being with me. i would take the initiative and just hang out together like all the other girls. just enjoy each other…..

now i finally understand the true meaning of friendship. always, i wonder why she or she or whoever has so many fiends around her. but why am i not the one. it’s because she treat everyone like how she treat her best friend and everyone just simply love hanging out with her. she is willing to sacrifice for friendship and i guess that is the main reason why she has so many friends.

i have the wrong perception of friendship. now i guess i really have to change to be a better me. without friends, my life would be meaningless. for now i have to change my attitude. whenever i am with any of my friend. whether they are my best pal or not, i would really treat them great. i want them to feel like they wished i am their best friend or what. gosh this sound so ***
okay simply because i am sicked and tired only have 4 close friends with me. i seriously wants more close friends.

i believe if i put in the effort, i would see the results soon. i hope i would be able to gain more friendship and strengthen the bonds between my friends and i. Because i am so afraid of being alone….........

so i would work hard towards this goal. guess i have a lot to work on during this summer break.

I JUST WANT TO BE THE GIRL WHO ALWAYS GET SURROUND BY MANY FRIENDS WHO WILL GIVE ME SUPPORT AND ALL. SO I AM SO GOING TO REACH OUT AND SHOUT TO THE WORLD THAT I AM NOT ALONE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!