When I was 19 my cousin and I went backpacking through Europe. I loved it! it was probably one of the most amazing experiences of my life! I have always loved to travel but it was the begining to many other travels to come. Now I would like to the same but all over the world. I think it is an eye opening experience that everyone should have. Get out there meet other people, try other foods, see other places. The world is beautiful! and full of wonder.
I am finally going to do it! I am going to Spain at the end of this month and doing it.
This will be part I. I have decided to scatter part of her ashes in the place where she grew up and part in Tahiti or Fiji. She loved those pacific Islands and I think it would be nice to be able to do that for her. I like the idea of her “essence being in those two places that meant something to her.
So… I am at that point where I know I can fall for someone. I mean I am at that point where if I met someone I liked and got to know them.. experienced things wit them…. I cold fall madly in love with them. I am ready mentally and phycologically. I know this becase I met someone who I like and I know I could possible fall for them but they are taken and I don’t go for people who are unavailable…. Sigh! oh well… I know there are other people out there… and I just have to keep looking and putting myself out there.
Till then… I will stay open minded.
Last Wednesday I got messured again and I have lost 2 inches of my waist, 1 inch of each thigh and arms and 1/2 inch of my arms! I am so happy. I am finally seeing some actual results. This was the encouragement i neeeded.
Alright, so I finally did it. I sent an e-mail to him! and guess what?
It was great! he replid within minutes and he remembers me!
I am very happy to have done this! I think we will have drinks soon. It will be really good to see him and talk to him.
I don’t think I have made much head way with this goal. Yesterday I drank a lot but I don’t think I am being consistant. It has not been that long but I need to make more of an effort.
My mom passed away in October 2006. In March 2007 I took her ashes to the town of her grandparents where she would spend summers. She often talked about it as a place where she was very happy. I chose the place also because my aunt (who is like a second mom to me) still owns a parcel of land there and which has been in my family for many many years. I too have spent many times in this tiny little village while I was child.
So in March I set out to spread her ashes but it was very cold and very windy and I just did not feel right about it. So I decided I should wait until it feels right. Besides.. I wanted to do it on a day where I could spend as long as I wanted to there and contmplate the moment.
So… I have to go again at some point… I live in the US and this place is in Spain but I will create the opportunity soon.
I learned how to drive a stick-shift about 15 years ago. It was fun and if you like to travel pretty essential. Most rental car places in other countries will only have stick-shift cars.
I like knowing I can drive any car. Now I will not ever purchase an automatic car.
I suppose I should have little goals for myself on this too. I need to make myself available and go out more. I don’t want to be closed off to meeting people but I am not all that exited about meeting men in bars. It seems like my friends who go out and do meet people in bars don’t meet people of any consequence. As a general rule I don’t really like guys who are much younger than me and I think generally speaking that is all or most of what I will find in bars.
I went on a couple of dates with a very nice guy last year. He was younger and had not done a lot. But he was very bright I just want someone who has at least traveled a bit and experienced the world some.
I am not really sure how to go about this really, but I guess I just need to let things happen naturally.
I have this beautiful Hammock I got in Honduras and I really want to use it. I think I will really enjoy having it in the yard and being able to read a book while laying on it. Or maybe to take naps. I am not a big nap person but it sounds very relaxing.
Today I worked out again with my trainer. I think overall it was a good work out but I was very tired. I felt like most of my energy had been sucked out of me yesterday. I did do 3 hours of exercise… so I supposed I should not be surprised. I hope to keep it up. I ate a little more fatty thatn I wanted to but not terribly bad. I will be better tomoorow that is all I can do right?
Anyway.. tomorrow I should go to the gym and do some cardio.
I need to weigh myself soon and see if I have made any progress. I am scared in case I have not but I know I have been working out hard.
All I can do is keep at it.
So.. I have been afraid to contact him.. probably because it has been so long. I think I wonder if he would want to hear from me. We were only friends for a couple of years and althougth there was never a falling out (we simply lost touch) I would not want him thinking “why is this person contacting me?”
I have been asking people and the concensus seems to be … I should contact him. Why has this been so difficult? I mean so what if my “hello how has life been for you? is unwelcomed. What is the worse that could happen?
Today I could have cleaned but ofcourse I did not. I was productive though I worked out, I worked out a lot (3 hours) but… then I also saw a movie. Anyway now I have company coming and I will have to clean this week and have the house looking quite good. Maybe this is the kick I needed!
Alright so today I worked out for a total of 3 hours. I got up and met with my trainer in the morning. I was a bit late but we worked out roughly 45 minutes. Then I met a friend and we walked for a little over 2 hours around the lake. It was great! I have to say I am hurting now and I forgot to put sunscreen on my chest and face but it was worth it!
I just have to keep it up. I did not start the week very well but I am finishing it great. I need to capture this momentum and keep going next week.
Well… not really but I did talk about it. I go to this indee film meetup and I met someone who told me about a French meetup. I am thinking of joining. She said people from all levels meet so I think it’s a real option for me. I need to check it out.
It’s kind of a start!
I love water. In fact it is almost all I drink. However I need to drink more of it. Every so often I get on a kick where I start drinking more and more but I just can’t stick to it. Hopefully I will be able to stick with it this time.
My plan is to go about it gradually this time. Rather than a drastic change I plan to increase my water intake slowly. I think that will help with my bladder too!
I reluctantly went to the gym today. I was not feeling well but I went. I was going to do 30 min on the eliptical but I ended up doing 1h. I was proud, It was great. I love acomplishing this. According to the machine I burned 450 cal.
I need to continue. I did not eat well today but I did not over eat. I will work out tomorrow also.
Ok so everyone is probably been hurt before… and we usaully have those thoughts of never again, I can’t go through this again. I too have that internal dialogue but even when I am having those thoughts perhaps as I am having them… I know deep down that sometime in the future I will be OK and that I will want to meet someone again. I know there will be a moment in which I will be willing to put myselft outhere and be vulnerable again. I don’t know if I am there yet but if I am not I think I am pretty close.
I don’t need to fall in love tomorrow or next week. Besides it takes me a while… I have to get to know someone. I need to make a connection. I simply need to keep myself open to the idea. I need to keep myself opent to meeting someone and most importantly I need to put myself out there.
I have a tendency to become a recluse. I have to be mindful of that.
For the past couple of years I have had a very good excuse for not meeting someone or not being ready to meet someone. My mother got very sick and died. The person I had been dating was being very hurtful (no surprise there, he was always a royal asswhole) and then I lost several friends. Funny how people don’t want to be arround you when things are not going well. Anyway, I then lost another family member whom I was very close to. So… yeah not a good time for romance.
But this year I feel better.
I just have to think positively and put myself out there in order to meet people whom I may possibly conect wiht and fall for even if I could get hurt again.
I have done this! started when I was very young when I went to France with my family. then went to Ireland when I was 12 (by myself) Althought that time I almost got deported because I left my passport at the airport. Thankfully we sorted everything out and my passport was promptly sent to where I was staying.
I took French in High school and in college. I want to take classes again. I have always loved the language. it is just hard to get back into it when life is happening all around. I need to find a way to take classes that I can fit into my life. I am not in a hurry but I do need to take some steps towards this goal. I am alreay fuent in two languages so I think that should help.
