freakygeek

know nothing about life after college graduation.

my moms a buddist and ive seen too many friends devote their lifes to christianality.this has been confusing me for ages.i dont know where to go.moms only hope is to lead me to buddism and to teach me the truth of our lives.and im hesitating now.i know a few stuff about christainality.and sometimes i feel i do have some connections with God.i love talking to him,telling him my father from above my stories.so my voices been heard.i love to sing all these worship songs and to share life stories with people cuz these are the growth of my soul.however,my innate culture and background always remind me that i dont belong to this.i was born to pursue my religion and my mom has put lots of her efforts and time to me to believe in buddism when i grew up.i dont want to let her down.i really dont.

thats really a pain in the ass.you even dont know what to believe.what to support for the rest of my life.i am lost.totally lost.
i know it takes time for me to finally get the answer but in my heart,its really scary to fall somewhere between two religious beliefs,especially when i am on the plane.whom should i pray to??

jesus!
i promised myself i wouldnt let this happen again in my life when i twotimed my bf in highschool.but it doesnt seem to work.thanks to god,i got a really nicelooking guy out of my boring n intense college life.the only things we two are like very very different people,those who should never be together!last winter,i ran into another guy.nice like a gentleman.and better sex skills too cuz he had many girls before.im acting like a kid in front of him.this sucks!and we had been making out for a couple of times.and my bf knew nothing about him.i even cant talk to my closest friend.all my friends hate my bf.nobody likes him.everyone hates him.gosh!!!!and anothers a close friend in our circle.so what can i say? telling them that my boyfriend had been two timed? i have no ideas what to do next.i gotta make a choice.but i am so afraid that history will repeat itself this time.
in highschool,i dumped my boyfriend(i was his first girlfriend.poor guy!)n started dating with another guy.before long,he kept hiding away from me.he had a crush on one of my friends.what goes around comes around.
i dont want to lose both of them!maybe im too selfish and greedy.i never learn to let go.its hard to keep me satisfied.
i gotta stop this.i cant do this anymore.when my boyfriend knocked my appartment door,i was making out with another guy.i feel guilty.