freeradical

This has been on my list for a long time because I can never actually figure out what it means. And yet, I can’t let myself delete it either, so there must be something to it.

Actually, the other day I was at work and there wasn’t much to do, so I was sitting in the dining room chatting with one of the other pedagogues. He’s the type of guy who as a rule is always in a good mood. He makes jokes a lot, and his laughter is infectious.

He has a simple life: wife, kids, house, job. I don’t envy his life, and definitely not his work. But sometimes I do envy his attitude toward life. I don’t think he agonizes over things, you know. For instance, I mentioned in conversation that I have been sad because my friends from home seem so distant now that I have been away for three years, and with his usual smile he replied with something close to, “But friends come and go, that’s how it is.”

I realized he doesn’t worry at all about things I worry tons about, like losing friends, being alone… he takes things as they are, face value, tends to see more positive than negative in the way life flows, doesn’t ask but always has more than he needs.

And because he’s comfortable with himself, he doesn’t agonize over choices. When you trust yourself things sort themselves out more easily and choices aren’t so hard to make.

Ok, now I feel like I’m rambling. But there is something here, there’s something to learn that might make life a whole lot easier to deal with. :)

Honestly, what right do I have to be so dispassionate?

None. I have everything: food, shelter, freedom, a warm bed, education, friends and family who love me. The world can be a really shitty place, but that’s all the more reason to appreciate how really, really lucky I am.

I have to do something. I’m really not enjoying much in my life these days. Sometimes I get depressed about the state of things – it’s hard not to – but it’s more than that. There are plenty of things to be glad for, like the fact that starting in september I have 5 months to travel wherever I want in Europe.

Spain! Italy! Greece! It’s a dream. And yet, you’d think I was talking about spinach for all my passion. What’s wrong with me?

I have to find some inspiration. What I’ve done so far is order books. They have this great website in denmark, where you can order books from any library in the country. So, I’ve managed to find travel guides for the places I want to go most, and when they come I’m going to sit in the sun, sip ice, and get really inspired about all the places I’m going to see. voila!

I put a timer on my computer, like I said. Actually, it’s just a stopwatch that continues to run every time I turn my computer on. I told myself I would start counting the hours I spend on the internet when I came to a new week, so I’ve only been really using it since Sunday.

Thus far, I am spending a bit less time on the computer. Not a lot less, but I do find that I use the time I spend on the internet more wisely now. Because I made a promise to use only eleven hours a week, even though there’s no one and nothing holding me to this promise, I am more aware of what I do on the internet. Instead of wasting time watching videos or surfing listlessly, I try to think of something I really need to do and do it.

Ok, I still feel drawn to my computer whenever I’m slightest bit unsure what else to do, but slowly I’m beginning to use the internet a bit more as it should be used, as a tool, and not a substitute for real life.