freespirit_17

all this time i’ve been fighting to keep him. i know why we aren’t together. its equally our fault. i’m ready to fix things but he’s not giving me the chance to fix things. i was a kid when he gave me the chance, earlier, to fix things! he’s the love of my life and hopefully, i can allow someone else to love me, when the time is right. but, sometimes, i feel like i dont want anyone else’s love.
i remember all the old times and now, all i can do is cherish that memory. i know i will, maybe, never get them back especially because he’s no longer the boy i fell in love with.
i don’t know if i trust him.
I need to stop needing him but how do i stop? At one point in my life, i let go of him completely….but he came back and asked me to take him back into his life. and i took him back. the worst part abt this is that i know exactly wut’s going to happen now. This stuff, is an addiction to me. Its like a drug. Its the same reason y i don’t drink – its bcuz i know that i will like it and i know that i will use it continuously. I have no self control where i can ration it out. Its the same with love! If only i hadn’t taken him back into my life….because i knew the minute i made the decision to take him back – it would become my new addiction. I’m addicted to the love, the attention, the passion!
stopping myself from needing him, is like stopping myself from needing a craving. I was addicted to chocolate but after a couple of weeks of not having it, i can hardly finish a small strip. Does the same rule apply? Can i stop needing him like i stop myself from eating chocolate?
How can i stop needing him when he hasn’t even given us a chance during our adult life.

yay still doing it!! it totally helps me THINK before i write as well

i don’t want to be 50 years old and think “damn…i should have read more when i was younger”. Reading will help me in so many unimaginable ways….