froufroufrou

I’m not doing to well, but I’ve made a fresh start today. I picked up the Weight Watchers program again, I did it years ago and it was quite helpful, than. So maybe it will help me again this time. The difference is, back than I was still living at home and doing the program with my mum, now I live on my own and have no structure in my life whatsoever. I want to, but I’m just not at all happy with anything in my situation, which makes it hard to keep yourself focused. Some wil say that maybe it’s not the best of times to try and lose weight when your not feeling good about your life; it’s hard enough as it is, without bringing myself in an extra situation which could turn out to be a major dissappointment in myself. But as it is I’m not feeling good about myself, either, so I’ll just kepe trying.

I have a new job for 2 days a week, and I’m going there by bike, it’s about 45 minutes one way. This makes me feel pretty good :) So if I just keep from buying chocolate, I think I’m already doing a pretty good job fighting my bas habbits. I just hope I can do it.

So I’ve written a page last week. I felt pretty good about it, but anxiety and stress are back again. I felt good enough last week to promiss my supervisor a chapter on Wedsnesdaymorning. But of course, I’ve been putting it off and off, now not even near finishing the chapter.

Sometimes I wish I could just be a different person. Change my charactertraits for some other, become a more determined and focused person. I want to finish my thesis so badly before June, I HAVE TO. But, I just can’t find the motivation, the courage, the inspiration, or whatever, to do it.

I know the only way to do this is, is by taking it a step at the time, to sit down every day and just do some work, if even just a little. It’s better than rewatching Gilmore Girls all day, me thinks.

And now I’m in this situation where I have to think wether I’ll cancel my workday tomorrow with some lame excuse, and feel quilty about it, so I have another day for my chapter. I just started this job, so I don’t want to disappoint, but finishing my thesis is much much much more important than that job. I just wished I felt the importance of it all on the moments I have time as well. Now I’m just making myself feel rotten and disappointed with myself, and I’ll probably can’t sleep of all the anxiety tonight.

Why can’t I be a better person? :(

I gained 10 kg in 2011, I liked to lose 10-15 kg in 2012! Taking one step at the time, I’ll first aim at -5. This will bring me under 90 again, that would already be a great relieve.

So, no chocolate for comfort, but trying to deal with life in an adult way.