frugalbinx

so i just got a new blog, frugalbinx.wordpress.com

i hope to update it, at least semi-regularly?

burning man was probably the most profound experience of my life. i learned so much. i changed so much. i will be definately going back.

one full week has passed
memories give way to growth
burning man changed me

that’s right, a customized collapsible fire hoop has just been purchased.

learning will commence soon

hurried during tests
spring break finally arrives
now time is so slow

I’m taking the plunge, I’m going to buy one. Pictures soon to come when it arrives.

Burning man tickets are in my hot little hands, this is a go!

I was planning on tagging SF with stickers (subversive slogans and such) but I ended up posting loving post-it notes instead. I think it probably was better in the larger picture.

She had walked into a near empty room, one that had been filled with life the night before, and the feeling of lonliness nearly knocked the wind out of her. She walked over to one of the corners and sat down. She drew her knees up to her chest. Wrapping her arms around herself, she tried to imagine it was someone else holding her. It had happened before and it would happen again, but that didn’t help the pain. So he needed time to think, time to find himself. She understood why he was doing it, but it still left her alone in an empty room.

This was a rough experience, but I think it’ll be really helpful in evaluating myself and moving forward in a positive direction.

(i got some of these ideas from the entries below)

13) I don’t cook. I know this stems from trying to get away from my mother and her controlling nature.
- I should just dive in, buy a cookbook or learn from friends
- When other people are cooking I should try to learn, instead of dismissing it as something I “don’t do”

14) When people introduce themselves I do not listen to their names, I am too worried about properly introducing myself
- I should actually listen and try to pay attention, and then do some sort of memory device to make their name stick faster

15) I have a distrust of other people’s work on an area and I like to approach problems from my own, completely new and visionary approach. Sometimes, however, this takes a very long time and oftentimes I could have benefitted from instruction.
- I should recognize that in every subject, there is someone out there who has more knowledge and experience than I do, and that I could learn from them
- I should also temper my ego from thinking I’m going to reinvent the wheel with each discipline I approach.

16) I am unwilling to try new things (ex: videogames) in front of other people who I know are better than me at them
- If other people are willing to teach me how to do something, I should accept that they know I’m going to suck and that they’re going to be ok with it
- I should take advantage of their hospitality more than try to save face

17) When meeting people, I am usually more reserved than I should be. I bet I often come off as a rather boring person
- I should recognize that the things I think are exciting about myself, other people probably think so too
- I would probably make friends more easily if I put myself out there more, instead of trying to figure out what people like and the tailoring myself to fit that

18) I feel like I don’t keep myself as informed of world events as I would like to be. I have a subscription to Newsweek but I don’t usually read it in a timely fashion. My hompage is CNN but I don’t usually read the stories.
- When I go to the gym I should bring Newsweek with me and read it
- When I log on, I should actually read through a story or two, instead of jumping straight into myspace or facebook

19) I often put off things that other people need because I don’t feel like doing them at that time.
- I should make more of an effort to see the validity in their request, and to be more accomadating
- I should also try to see it from their eyes and recognize that I would be frustrated if they kept putting off what I asked them to do

20) I am bad at accepting criticism. I have a very positive view of myself, which means that I also find it hard to accept and acknowledge fault.
- In order to see the fault in myself I have to find it in myself, I’m not going to immediately acknowledge it, if it comes from someone else. So I guess I should sit down with faults that peple bring to my attention and really think about them, determining if I think there’s validity in what they say or not
- I should also accept that not everyone will think as highly as me as I do, and that criticism is a natural result of meeting people different than oneself.

whew.

(this is hard)

Problems in numbers, ideas to resolve with dashes

1) When I feel like I’m not accomplishing anything, at a certain moment, I get anxious and start doing something like rocking in a chair, which is self-perpetuating.
- I could make a list of things I need to do and a list of things I’d like to do, and when I get in that mood, go through the list and pick something that looks good
- I could just go lay down and calm myself down until I can reach some sort of rational conclusion

2) I set myself up in situations where I hope that people are going to act differently than I hope they will. It almost always comes crashing down on my head.
- Although I’d like to think of this as giving people a forum to grow, I guess I should just accept that most people aren’t going to change into what I think they should.
- But I am giving them a capacity to grow, maybe I should continue to do so?

3) Sometimes I’ll rush into situations without giving full weight to the emotions of the people around me. I’ll understand how they’re going to feel, but not care enough to stop myself.
- I guess this relates to a larger theme of seeing myself as more important than other people around me. I think ultimately that’s good, as a method of self-preservation.
- Even if I value myself a lot, I need to recognize the large role that friends play in my life, and sometimes keeping them happy in the long run is more important than immediate gratification.

4) I overcommit myself, between school and clubs and stuff that I should do for my general well-being.
- I need to learn how to say no to new commitments, and realize that most people understand if you have to say no to an activity because you have no time.
- It’s important for me to have down time to hang out with friends, or I will never develope a strong network of friendship.

5) I don’t excercise enough
- I should schedule gym time into my schedule and then stick to specified workout times
- Or, find alternative ways to work out (bellydancing? poi?)

6) When other people don’t act like I do (this mostly applies to trivial things) I start to think of them as inferior
- I should recognize that other people have a right to live life their own way, and I should judge less

7) Sometimes I use sex as a way of getting what I want
- I should try to meet and befriend people on a non-sexual level, and let relationships develope afterwards

8) Often when I encounter an opinion that is different than my local societal norm, I champion it more on novelty than something that I really believe in. (ex: being overly supportive of faiths other than christianity just because they’re just not christianity)
- I should not try to show off my “worldly” ideas and focus on what I really believe in
- I should research the shortcomings of other views and beliefs so that I have a more well-rounded opinion of what I’m talking about

9) When I feel indecisive or like I’m not accomplishing anything I will eat a lot of fats and sugars, when I usually try to stick to a healthy diet
- I should keep healthier snacks around me, like nuts or dried fruit
- Or I could keep gum around

10) I don’t read for pleasure that often
- I should get a stack of books that I’d like to read, and make it a nightly ritual to read before going to bed

11) When I feel upset I will retreat into myself and push everyone away
- I should try to address what is making me upset and find a better balance point in my life

12) I have too many objects, but I have sentimental value attached to almost all of it so it is hard to get rid of it
- I should dettach the value so I can get rid of it
- I should also not try to ammase as much stuff in the future, so the things I currently own can wear out and then I will be left with less total possessions

I realized tonight that drugs are just a means of altering reality. Changing how you feel, how you percieve a situation. It’s escapism, even if it’s on a minor scale. I mean I’ve known it’s escapism for awhile but I never saw anything particularily wrong with that. One would only want escapism if they didn’t like their reality. The time that I could spend on drugs could be better spend fixing my reality to give me the feelings I would get through drugs.

At the happiest moments in people’s lives (I think a wedding is the classic example) people’s brainwaves mirror a coke user. So why not ditch the coke and seek out those experiences on your own?

1) White – This carries a long history of privilege, in most institutions in America. I know a lot of people that complain about the “special treatment” that minorities recieve, but they’re not in a position to complain. It’s that old analogy about walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. Racism isn’t over. I lived in New Mexico, a minority majority state. I saw racism all the time. It’s a part of America’s history, and we cannot forget it.

2) Not living in Poverty – I went to a private school, and I have to admit that I got used to the idea that everyone had a lot of money. Compared to them, I thought that I was actually at a disadvantage. Once I started working, however, I saw this was not the case. I started out with minimum wage jobs and worked with a lot of people barely able to survive, while I was just working for spending money. I also befriended some people living below the poverty line, and I started to understand how much of a celebration it is to have food on one’s table every night.

3) Able to go to college – I am intelligent enough to attend college and to (maybe) get a degree. This will give me access to higher paying jobs.

4) Growing up in a good neighborhood – As a child I never had to worry about the neighborhood being dangerous, which fostered a sense of well-being.

5) Parents who love me and support me – I had a pretty good homelife growing up. My parents supported me in my schoolwork and my activities.

6) Living in a country with freedom of religion – I kind of take it for granted that I can be areligious and not be persecuted (too much). If I lived in a country with a state religion this would not be tolerated, I would have to conform to societal expectations or be much more underground with my views.

it’s just not something i can pursue right now, maybe later

• We’re taking a new direction
• We’re surrounding ourselves with positivity
• We’re being healthy
• We’re valuing the experience over all else
• We’re seeking out auras
• We’re exploring places and people
• We’re becoming all that is good

I just got the song that he dances to, so now I can practice!

I finished making myself a full bellydancing outfit, it’s beautiful. (I spin poi in it too)

I also got a bellydancing instructional video for Christmas, it has a full routine to learn on it. I decided that I won’t be able to call myself a “bellydancer” for awhile, since I won’t be learning from a teacher. But at least I can have fun learning on my own until I’m in a position to find a teacher.

I go home now and see all the stuff I didn’t bring to college that I don’t need. It’s a little overwhelming and now I’m never home to get ride of it. I guess that’s what the summer’s for.

So, I guess I got my first lesson in online-business smarts. I had a girl buy two earrings, which I promptly shipped, but I never recieved payment. I should have checked her profile, it’s full of warnings from other sellers to not trust her.

More than anything I’m just sad that my unconditional trust (etsy specifically) will now be tempered.