frugalmummy

saw this on a Coast programme – looks great !

well i am using some max factor make up i bought myself at xmas and it’s far better quality than what i usually use – and i bought a few sale tops – am experimenting and wearing some jewellery to match. It’s working for me so far :)

Doing this in little ways and not unkindly. Wonder if i practise with little things it may get easier to do it when it really counts.

Bro in law met new partner. I just ‘knew’ her surname ended in ‘on’ but didn’t know what. Tried all names could think of but couldn’t ‘know’ any more than that. Knew two daughters were either Nicole and Shelley or Natalie and Shelley.

Family member told me surname which did indeed end in ‘on’ but I had only heard of as a place name before.

Told me kids were Nicole and Shelley.
Day later told me she made a mistake.

Girls names were Natalie and Shelley.

Going from one area to next in work. Stopped in tracks by what seemed to be a yellow page floating in front of my eyes. Could still see around it. Saw daughter being attacked in house and kicking at man to get him away.
For months feared leaving her in alone.
Then one summer evening she was attacked in a phone box. She kept kicking at the youth to try to keep him away and she hit emergency.
Youth’s mate dragged him off after while then services arrived.

Dreamed visited house on main road to next town. Went through arch between houses to find beautiful walled garden and panorama beyond. Dreamed houses old and had wonky floors and old rickety doors. Met woman wearing pinstripe dress holding watering can and walking along wonky path from one door to next. Saw yachts and gas cannisters and bus over the wall.

Friend phoned few weeks later said buying house in next village – straight along that main road and of the same name. Said had to go through arch to back entrance. I told her the rest. Visited, arch to walled garden, bus looking over wall, yacht marina across road, gas cannisters, squint pathways and old doors. Even wall broken as dreamed. Told her she had an elderly neighbour who wore pinstipe dresses with narrow belts and liked to garden. Phoned me after moved in said two pinstripe dresses with belts hanging on washing line and woman gardened there 20 years.

Dreamed fire in switch box in sister’s house. Smoke seen coming from sockets. All plus neighbours evacuated. In dream I returned and found someone had reconnected electricity adaptors and smoke was again coming from them so I diconnected with a broom.

Got up hours later to phone call from friend’s mother telling me of fire at her house. Switchbox. Smoke seen coming from it 2 weeks before. Husband thought he’d fixed it so continued use it. Lounge gutted, all neighbours evacuated as main switch box for 4 flats.

Dreamed of 2 tidal waves at local town. Knew it was vivid like other precog dreams I have but didn’t tell anyone cos it was ridiculous.
Few weeks later saw Tsunami footage think scene from Thailand. Showed water swirling past and in distance two hills which look exactly like the stretch of river and scenery looking across from my local town thus the confusuion in my dreams.

So many – every few weeks, for years.
Sometimes but not often have stuff when awake also.
Very detailed.
eg
1.Dreamed in very grand split level room with french windows, bed and clock. Butler came up the three steps between the rooms carrying glass orange juice on silver tray. Noticed steps narrow so had to place feet sideways.
Week later asked to do massage at a town hall. Grand room, elegant french style windows and drapes. Split level to adjoining room. Clock but only bed was my massage table. Friend offered get me a drink. Arrived with it on silver tray and I watched as he placed feet sideways on the narrow steps.

Didn’t have a ‘childhood’ cos of extreme domestic violence and abuses. Grandparents etc blamed me for calling police and social work.

Old head on young shoulders, left home at 14, isolated, married at 19, 3 kids by 21. Husband alcoholic, debts, family no help as father still battering mother at home. When she visited she just told me eveything he was doing. Tried all my life to protect her. Situation there and situation at home. 3 babies.

After 28 years of abuse helped mother escape to homeless refuge near police station. Couldn’t let my kids out to play cos father lived round corner. Husband drinking worsened and he overdosed when I made to leave. Trapped. Seaparated, he got sober, we got back and he started having affairs with other recovering alcoholics.

I made him leave, went to college and learned to laugh and lighten up.
Money struggles. Mother now free of father blamed ME for all her problems. Still does.

Brought family up in same bad area I grew up in. Years on and off depression eventually diagnosed Post Traumatic Stress.

Worked full time when raising kids, then made redundant. Bullied (easy for previous victims) in next job. Left.

Now doing courses Social Care and in talking to social workers and experts on child abuse find they DO NOT understand the long term effects of family wide abuse. I HAVE humour, I am not ‘heavy’ all the time – but when it comes to this it is difficult. Class mates have no idea although this is what we are studying. I am seen as too passionate about it.

Stuff we are studying is stuff I know cos I have lived it and had to try to understand over the years. See further effects on my kids cos I can’t have people over, celebrate etc. No medical or professional help though have sought it.

I’m not ‘over the top’, I just see the bigger picture about domestic and child abuse and it is frustrating that the powers that be are so shortsighted about it. There is no will to recognise and help child victims when young or those who suffered it for decades and are left to cope with the damage. Now suffer cardiac problems which am told is nervous system problem due to long term stress. GRRRR.

If a dog was quivering in a corner you wouldn’t blame the dog – you’d ask WHO and WHY.

He seemed a little confused cos I think he thought I’d just made him a nice birthday card with pics of the ship on it. (I’d made up mock tickets). Then I told him he’d need to renew his passport and he jumped up and hugged me. Still, it’s a long time off yet.

Love that place. Amazing to be there among babylonian, assyrian, greek, egyptian artefacts – absolutely fantastic. Needs return visits.

there is now beginning to be some recognition (at long last) that chronic trauma suffered by children causes physiological changes to the brain and therefore short term memory and planning problems as adults – as per post-traumatic stress disorder.
That causes problems for me – I’m damn intelligent and articulate, yet someone gives me more than two verbal instructions or ‘demands’ an answer from me and I’ve had it. I have no immediate recall under even slight pressure. I end up looking like an idiot cos how can I explain where it comes from? Grrrr.

send 21 of these up into the sky after my son’s birthday meal.
However I think it will be too windy – wind has to be 5mph or under. Also have to light them in place far away from trees, houses etc and where they won’t be mistaken for emergency lights – and we live near the coast. Need to put that one on hold I think !

I used to take him to see cruise liners coming in to the local port when he was little. Now he drives himself there at dawn to photograph them arriving. The QM2 called in recently and he was there at 5.30am to watch her arrive. Makes him sound nerdy, but he’s not! :) He works hard and deserves a special treat, but albeit it’s only a short trip, he won’t be expecting this.

planning to take some family and friends out to eat and I have booked for son and pals to go go karting, as I managed to get that for less than half price. But my special gift to mark his 21st is a short trip on a cruise liner.
I’ve always had great problems celebrating birthdays, long story, so this year I have tried to break the pattern. I threw a special party for my daughter and now this. It’s something we need as a family.

have some treatments done at the local college – I’ve actually got a list. Could phone and choose a pampering treat for myself weekly at the moment cos life is pretty hard going. Could and should reward myself for keeping trying !

Painted it ! But I cheated – I painted OVER the wallpaper (patterned) – but I don’t care, it still looks way better than it did. Why do I always give myself such a hard time by putting off doing stuff when it feels so good when it’s done ? !!!

Woohoo – got there ! Looks so clear and fresh and welcoming ! Just keep it that way !

Started again as part of money makeover plan. Good luck me !