soo sooo sad.. cause i feel i am underused, undervalued, driven aside . no one wants it in the place i work.. i think. if someone told me about themselves that i would think probably you are doing sth wrong.. i can not figure out what i am doing wrong.. i do not KNOW.. i have no credibility and am underrated even if i proved several time i am logical, suggest correct alternatives. i feel like all i receive is rejection. may be it is being a woman, a bit young and not complyin all the time. i funckin dunnooooo..
free top university courses. they have several french lessons.. but it needs dedication and it actually lessons.. great .. lets do it..
considering my partner of 4 years is french. and i do not know a word in french(exaggaration).. now wht athat tells about me.. it sounds insane.. but hey.. i have the brain size of a planet :P so i can learn and we cam move to france after here ahow about that
latest things that happened, thinking everything was perfectly fine.. i guess not.. i slept onthings enough. ineed tobecome proactive again..
of goals need how much
by when and how questios to be answered..
not waste money as stupid kido.. good ewsis there is a lot of room to imprive for me. my bf does market he gets more fr 13thh of the money i spent.. it is just so unbeliavable!!!!!!!!
ok here is some site i will check..
i need to
save money for retirement
and being redundant
and i am currently making stuff in da place.. just remembered my goal all of a sudden .. it is done.. now moving on to making stuff
for years which says have a company that creates awkward things :d
now2 that is a bit easier one for a bit easier task.. considering how tiny task some startuos do.. this is for an experiement. and actually try the proces.. yes i had a vintage boutigue before.. but this is for sth else :D
the stuff i eat all the time are A+.. hahah ..i just balance it with FF ones like cider, crisps, chocolate chocolate chocolate and other sh*t :p
and stop eating junk sh*t like crisps or chocolate becasue i do not have nothing to eat.
yes i do that because i do not bring anythign with tme to work i end up eating only crisps and chocolate. or if i am hungry grab sth with mayonaise as sandwich. becasue i am out of ideas. noo i do not like to cook and i do not like to preprare food in the vening just for the next day., i hate it.. but i can have nonprepared healthy stuff at home and just bring that to work.. like cheese furits nuts veggies.. etc..
the goal is soo ironic to me right now.. i do not know hpw i ended up doing one of the most conradictive action i can take. i really DO NOT KNOW. i do actually, ihad reasons.. i came to a small city that does not whispred to much to me.. end i feel so boring right now. out of ideas.. out of energy.. when i did not knew and when people said theyfeel kind of trapped here i said no one is. was eating away my charge of everything_new_yayy i guess.. people seem to be even sad at work. silent. sometimes not so rational./. and i started to feel weird sometimes. i just started to stare after work.. balnk blank face.. and i do not know.. i put my body to a bus chair and feel that there is no signal of excitement or will to move in me. i stagger silently in the city center etc.. it is complicated.. at work just to prove myself, becaus ei am younger, i dress (even if i triedto wear only grey and blue nd balck) not so ultra formal, because i am the other sex, and because i donotmay be speak english like it is my mother tongue and because it seems like bigboys hanging around together, i tried to get responsibilities and show that i am more than what they expected etc. i kind of got fixated on this and started to not feel good at work.. then i do not know may be it is not that but i might have given my mentl energy to that ..or may be.. i do not want to admit this but it moved me it might be that .. I feel alone a bit.. i do nto talk at work, other than small talk or business talk or uninteresting daily talk. i do not have friends here. i generally do not like socializing with people i do not know.. The ” so tell me about yourself” part .. it i snot that i do not or not interested in people.. and i am insistingthat i am fine alone.. but i need some brain moving inspiring, exciting, sarcastic, silly absurdly creative talk.. i think i need that the most.. and i am in a cute cute small town where everthing seems contemporary organized and domestic. i do not know if this what i mean.. i need to act quick i think. may be i am panicking and eveything is ok that i need to try a bit harder here.. i just need to come to myself.. cause i do not think a step further of my staggering lifellessy self can do anything about the situtaion.. heheh now i scared myself..
i am so bad on this goal. i did the danish and lost 5 kilos in 7 das .. probably motly wter anyway.. generally this loosing stuff was making mefell on tarack and motivated and was keepig me on the trackafter.. but now i think there is a dpeer issue that i did notmind and got maniac with sugar stuff after. i am kind of in a phase i donotgive a sh*it of how i look. my face skin clothes ..blahh .. i relocated to a nwe conuntry .. and to a much smaller city.. i am not motivated to look good. or even to be out and about.. this is a problem right.. and i do not know.. i am loosing my motivation to theoutside world and therefore my inner world.. arghh wahts that. and why i am ranting here.. it seems to be that i will hit a hard getting 30 birthday soon.. come on girl.. this is not you.. you have to be intrested, inspried, excited and look forward for things.. otherwise we both know it doesnotwork for you ;)
and all this i am not able to carry stuff so no need to buy mentality has vanished, it is still a fact but i can not even think so i end up buying compulsively stuff. and becasue i ened excitement i started to do this a lot.. i knew it.. i told my bf to tell me if it happens.. he started reminding me that i am overbuying but i am out of track a bit.. this is a small city i live in and i can not create excitement .. soo i end up doing the easiest thing paying money and getting stuff and being occoupied to give a quick fix.. i bought 4 shoes and 3 sunglasses in two weeks,... now you see the pciture. i just feel dirty after.. this is totally not right.. i wanted to own as less as possible.. 7 months agoo only
take note of my revelations my not so true conclusions, sometimes life mottos.. because you do not know when you bump them .. you can only b e aware if they stick for years.. may be thats good becaus eonly the worthy ones will survive even without taking note of them .. i do not know if i am missing some worthy ones because iforget.. and i do not kwno if i keep track of they might actually be harmfull because i keep imposing themn in my brain by reading,.. because sometimes they are not true and can be a mistaken labeling of myself. blahh .. lets see i wrote the goal title anyway.
to my list years ago! actually i did not check the date but since i have been writing for ages so i can say that with a bit of exaggeration.
still this is on my agenda.. i am readig a book called Just start which is totally ill written and basic but can get me in the mood becaus ethat is what i want to hear again an again. (yeahhh the book says the same thinh again again!!)
well i am digressing from the topic and wirting irrelevant sutff..that was the actual reason i starewtd to write this.. i do not think.. but i can not do more.. my brain is just shoveling from place to place. and does the sutff that is more easier. even if it si repetitive.. i am just doing.. on the run.. that doesnot get me anywhere.. i am not even progressing , it is like chasing yur tail. and it seems my brain is tooo bursting and mumbling that i can not think even if i want to .. am i making up.. is it that i am just tired may be.. compulsive is the word that i want to express… blahh i need to meditate or sth to slow my brain so it actually gets on track
right now.. i have changed my job.. and i relaise that I could express and have fun and do funny stuff at my previous job.. and we were doing big projects not that my responsibilites increased. in this place i have less reponsbility. i am one the young ones and still i have to be really serious.. we dress formal.. everyone is silent.. and i am not able to expressmyself cause this is a job in a different country so i do not use my main language which limits the way i express myself..lets seee.. i do not laugh here much.. back in the old job i was complaining i didi not had a good laugh often but it seems that we were having fun.. ahahah ironic. in the old one we did not needed to dress formal.. it was pretty normal day stuff. and one day a group of us agreed to come with ultra formal clothes. people wre reacting funny. especially when we go down to have a cig it was scene :D:D
I think i will start doing crazy shit just because i have a lack of fun.. putting myseriously funny stuff around.. but amazinlgy there is cameras in the work place.. that is not so coool.. where am i .. someone told me that i need to go the “The city” because i look sooo out of the place in this office.
with what i eat and sugary and unhelaty stuff and plummetered to an unhelathy 68-69. Now to get rid of sugar addiction I am going cold turkey with sugar for 14 days.. I follow danish hospital diet that will get ridd of my usage habits for
- sugary things
- big portions
Also This is really low calories but I will try to go to gym as well.. after 14 days I will not go back to using sugary stuff just fruits.. few alcohol and more gym. i got a lot of gym clothes and simig stuff.. so it will motivate me i guesss… and i subscribed to an amazing gym
is preety much serious dressed as ity looks frm outside. I do dress seriosly too.. hmmm.. will it change me.. i hope not!! i do not feel i can be silly here until I am totaly perceived and accepted. Not now.. I am serious and silent..
I liked it.. Altough it is not related to doing things one at a time.. may be iot is.. because I~ do sporadicl;y try to do that or totally not do that .. soo lets find a way to do this.. I think it is brilliant.. also the text fgrom the stuff for this heading
If you don’t, you’ll constantly succumb to the tyranny of the urgent. Also, find a different environment in which to do this activity — preferably one that’s relaxed and conducive to open-ended thinking. “
i was in depression.. i do not feel any flaw with it anymore.. ofcoruse there is still cigarette smell and yellow teeth but.. and i donot care about too much clothesbutifeel ok ..
iguess at that time i was too sensitive to my actual self or i let it too much to become thrash. i do notreally remember . interesting