gemma_ya

Ok, it’s been 5 days with its 5 nigths!! I feel anxious right now, I can’t sleep and want to have a smoke so bad…but won’t let this poison get me again!! Fuck cigarretes!!

Well, he used to be a pimp (really, guitar player and singer, very attractive and he knows it), he used to love to pick up girls after the gigs, so did I, boys, but anyhwere, not specially at gigs. It was an entertainment for years for both of us. Now everything has changed for both of us, we absolutely felt in love with each other and decided to be exclusive (this was just 6 months ago, although we had been dating for a while already). I know that he truely loves me, because he has prove it to me many times and everyday, and I really trust him, I do, we are great together. But somehow, ghosts of the past still bothering me in the back of my mind. It is unfair, he cut clean with all his past life and goes around telling everyone how much he loves me, he swears his love to me as he has never done before, he got a tatoo with my name on his arm, he asked me to marry him, we are talking about our future children…I know he wont’t cheat on me for the same reason I won’t cheat on him…but I can’t help checking his e-mail every single day…(I never found absolutelty nothing wrong, just him telling his close friends how in love is with with me). I gotta say he won’t hesitate checking mine either, which is the only thing that makes me feel better…I feel bad for steping into his privacy when he has shown me he loves me so much…is it very bad what I’m doing?